@KyleMcDowell86

5 yo me: Throw my ducky in the bath
15 yo me: Throw on some tunes while im in the bath
30 yo me: Throw the toaster in while im in the bath

You Might Also Like

@DanMentos

lol my boss just called me into his office and told me I’ve been spending too much time on twitter. Hold on he’s saying something else now

@Book_Krazy

Yes, lady who took two parking spaces. I’m the reason you can’t get in your car from the drivers side.

Have a nice day 🙂

@dkn33c

i once got pulled into the boss’s office because a coworker was upset that i gave him “a look that implied he was an idiot.”

@RobinMcCauley

A woman started choking in the line at Starbucks- it was so scary but thankfully someone opened another register.

@david8hughes

My friend got bitten by a snake and he fell to the floor and started writhing around. It’s amazing how fast the super powers kick in.

@murrman5

[looks up from laptop while updating résumé]
son, you’re good with computers
“I’m alright”
how do I find pictures of mean looking dinosaurs?

@YSylon

Am I the only one who whispers “Get a job” into the baby monitor?

@JerseyRambo

My psychiatrist is mad at me, told him I could hear people but couldn’t see them…he said when does this happen…I said over the phone

@HenpeckedHal

son: daddy, there’s a skeleton in my closet

me: don’t be ridiculous–it won’t be a skeleton for months