Meanwhile at the Maternity Ward…
6yo: MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU
8yo: AND ALSO WITH YOU
When their Star Wars obsession mixes with that time Nana took them to Catholic mass.
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Funny how strangers who ask you to take a photo of them are always disappointed by your shots, as if they expect to find Yousuf Karsh leaving a 7-Eleven.
Ppl who make fun of outfit repeating? I look bomb af so I’m gonna wear this again I’ll even wear it to your funeral if you keep talking shit
Showing that you can fit your fist in your mouth on the first date is only sexy if you can get it back out afterwards
cop: “can you point at which zebra it was”
zebra: “ha good luck we all look the same”
me: [points at zebra wearing my sunglasses] “that one”
Teenagers are most fun when they’re asked to clean up the mess they’ve made themselves.
Please respect my privacy during this time. Nothing happened I just don’t want to talk to anyone.
“Auntie,how big can frogs be?”
“Depends how many cars roll over it”
I should do Kids TV shows.
When one door closes, another one opens.
Other than that it’s a pretty good car.