@hpb777

6yo wants to “have a conversation” with the class bully’s parents. Either he’s mature beyond his years or he’s a mobster.

You Might Also Like

@briancthayer

Kid 1: Hurt my elbow
School Nurse: Here’s an ice pack

K2: *fever*
SN: Ice pack

K3: *diarrhea*
SN: Ice pack

K4: *decapitated*
SN: Ice pack

@AlexRogaski

[Science Meeting, 1924]

Why don’t we tell the people that every snowflake is unique? It’s not like they’ll ever really check

“Let’s do it”

@TechnicallyRon

Can we stop calling it ‘Breaking news’ and start calling it ‘bloody hell what now’

@KentWGraham

My wife and I come from very different backgrounds. Her family is French and Irish, and mine is suffocating and unstable.

@jellybnbonanza

If your idea of an “Epic” deal is $5 off then we may have different interpretations of that word, Pottery Barn.

@CaptOblivious1

I went for a run but came back home after 5 minutes because I forgot something.

I forgot that I’m fat and can’t run for more than 5 minutes

@Alfa_fox

New theory: It’s Raining Men and Let The Bodies Hit The Floor are both accounts of the same event but from wildly different perspectives.

@sarcasticmommy4

My son forgot he needed a new spiral notebook for today & is annoyed I don’t have one like, sorry our house didn’t magically turn into a Staples last night.

@SentenceReduced

Worst Friday the 13th ever. Someone stole the baby Jason from our nativity set.