1) Love not reciprocated
2) Hurting someone’s feelings
3) Disappointing my kids
4) Misgauging where to stop at a red light by a parking lot exit and now I’m blocking a car trying to turn out and god they won’t stop staring at me help
72 Hour Deodorant is just another way to say “I haven’t bathed in 3 days”.
You Might Also Like
I feel like every time I go to Walmart I automatically witness the contradiction to their slogan being: ‘save money, live better’
COP: Can you describe the man who shot you?
ME: He seemed mad
Housekeeping: Ma’am, would you like me to turn down your bed?
Me: Yes, thank you. Would you mind turning down my husband for me as well?
I shouldn’t play with Legos? It says “Ages 7 & Up”. 30 is higher than 7.
Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
I carry a stone around to throw at anyone I hear singing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
I call it my Jingle Bell Rock.
Science is tricky. Keeps you on your toes.
Mineralogy? Study of minerals.
Oceanology? Study of oceans.
Meteorology? NOT ABOUT METEORS.
People are posting pictures of their Christmas trees all decorated, and I’m over here like, “Does anyone know if we have a clean plate?!”
This is now a ‘I have washed my hands’ emoji 🙌
ME: i trained my cat to talk
HER: let’s see
ME: name an object pronoun
ME: what do u I say when I’m hurt
HER: this sucks
CAT: we’re just getting started, Linda