Me: I played badminton and enjoyed it
Priest: That’s not a sin
Me: I don’t understand this religion…
Tonight I’ll actually go to bed on time and get sleep!
the most money ever paid for a cow at an auction was $1.3 million
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They’re really bad with fonts.
What it said: May cause headache, fatigue, flatulence, weight loss, baldness, and even death.
What I heard: Weight loss.
[At gang interview]
GangLeader: You wanna be in our gang
GL: What qualities do you..
M: *Already snapping fingers
GL: You’re in
Motherhood is when your child looks like a sparkling cherub and you look like a steaming pile of nope.
I normally stay out of political talk on social media, but this is TOO FUNNY! #TacoTrucksOnEveryCorner
First date with a hummingbird:
You’re moving too fast.
I believe in ten years, gifts for newly born baby would be a SIM card and a cell phone.
My fire alarm just went off because I took my shower. Ya, I know I’m hot when I’m naked, but come on now, let’s all just calm down.
I accidentally prayed on people’s weaknesses instead of preying on them, and now they just think I’m kind.