@Jenn_H_Scott

7yo: Why can’t I have coffee?

Me: It’ll make u even more energetic than u already are

7: But u drink it all the time& u never have energy!

You Might Also Like

@garrettbarry70

Currently helping my wife looking for her favourite vase that I threw out six months ago.

@ThugRaccoons

Editor: What’s the first question every good reporter asks?

Reporter: Why did I major in journalism?

@themorris23

In the car and passed by a cop and my 12 year old says “everyone be cool! Act normal!”nnnExpecting that Father of the Year award any day now

@FrazzleMyGimp

STUDENT: Is there anything I can do to get my grade up?

TEACHER: {biting lip} There may be one thing.

ME: {sitting on couch mouthful of popcorn} Make him retake the class!

@AlanTheWriter

My wife asked me to help decorate the cookies for her sister’s baby shower, and then just as quickly asked me to please stop helping.

@underrateDad

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
Fool me 4,917 times and you’re probably my kids.

@HatfieldAnne

I feel like movies exaggerate men’s enthusiasm for having meaningful conversations while playing pool.