@PS_IRuddYou
@HardmanRick
Hold me closer, tiny dancer. Oh my… not that close. I can’t breathe. How are you so strong? LET ME GO TINY DANCER
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@HardmanRick
@jamdugg
*in ambulance*
Me: Hey if I said you had a nice defibrillator, would you hold it against me?
Paramedic: (blushes) Nooooo…
Me: *dies*
@Fred_Delicious
A hexagon is what Mario says when he frees himself from a curse
@tastefactory
“I’m the only cop on the force who can play the bassoon dammit” “Not anymore” New cop in sunglasses walks in, just killing it on the bassoon
@TheAlexNevil
Day 16,607:
Still not stuck on a deserted island, and beginning to lose hope
@wandering_leaf9
*Me & dog*
*duel for the last piece of chicken*
*tosses a stick to distract*
*fetches the stick*
*chicken is gone*Well played Peanut…!!
@SoPunnyy
Maybe he went out for the knight?
@discoken
I wrote “Clarence sale” instead of “clearance sale” and now there are angry old ladies here looking for a husband.
@DiscoFruit
but was it fire…?
@pilau
my girl’s so sweet she always texts me Disney lyrics when she’s away with our mates like “you’ve got a friend in me”