8-year-old: I’m glad it’s the weekend.

Me: You were only at school for two days.

8: You weren’t there.

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“and this blood shall be called A+”

all the other blood types: “k wow we’re like right here”


Fun Fact: The one thing that married couples always agree on is that most fights are started by their spouse.


Rihanna knows that diamonds are buried in volcanic rocks and those beautiful things in the sky are just hot balls of gas, right?


Son hunted 4 part of our family dinner 2night! With steady nerve & calm focus, he tracked down the hot dog buns for us at the grocery store.


Just be thankful you aren’t quarantined with a roommate who has decided to work her way through the Taylor swift songbook on guitar, which she can barely play (me it’s me I’m doing that)


Suggested movie theater prices: Adults – $9.00, Under 12 – $ 6.00, Under 3 – $249.00


DATE: What’s your favourite movie?

ME: Kill Bill

DATE: Oh. I prefer things more sophisticated

ME [long pause] Killiam William


ME: we have a problem, they’re out of hot dogs

HER: that’s ok, i’m vegan

ME: ok we have two problems


Fiber Monday is a great idea…
but is once a year often enough ?

Oh….it’s Cyber Monday ?

Never mind.


Soo… I guess when he asked for my number he didn’t mean how many lovers I’ve had?