Alright, I know you’re all wary of funding another Jurassic Park when all the others have ended in disaster, but I have 3 words that will blow your mind: Chance the Velocirapper
83% of white folks stressing about their court dates are referring to tennis.
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RT if you know someone like this!!!
“TGIM!” – My liver
ME: Tell me your weaknesses.
INTERVIEWER: um I’m interviewing you!
M: *writes ‘hostile’*
I: What’s that say?
M: *writes ‘overly suspicious’*
During love scenes in a Wes Anderson movie, the sound effects guy rubs a baguette against corduroy.
Childhood injuries: Fell off my bike, fell out of a tree, twisted my ankle. Adult injuries: Slept wrong, sat down too long, sneezed too hard.
In space, no one can hear…
I would watch a reality show that’s nothing but goth kids trying not to smile while riding on a jet ski.
Her: I noticed you’re wearing one green sock, and one red sock.
Me: Yea, I’ve got another pair just like these at home…