9 months from now the next generation will arrive.They’ll be known as “the Coronials”

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[A-ha rehearsal]
“Here’s the lyric: Take On Me.”
“What about Take Me On?”
[4 hrs of arguing later]
“Ok we’ll say both. Now let’s get perms.”


Shout out to my drug dealer Jamal, he’s taught me more about the metric system than any of my teachers ever did.


Decades of video games have left me WAY too confident in my ability to break open a wooden crate.


[On a date]
*Don’t let her know you’re a dog*
Girl: Do you want to…maybe go for a walk after this?
*starts running in circles going crazy*


[Running away from home]

Me: I didn’t even know houses could run this fast!


*Synth bass line*
*hooded figure pops out*
“Thiiiiis is hooww we Druuuiiid”
*other hooded figures pop out*
“It’s Friday night”


Want to know the real reason girls go to the bathroom together?

The air hockey table.

All our bathrooms have one.


ME: I want a normal night of sleep

MY BRAIN: Right… So, today, you’re gonna sleep from 1 pm ’til 4 pm & again from 9 pm ’til 2 am. Tomorrow, you’re scheduled for 2 hours. The next day is 19 hours which should make up for it but you’ll somehow feel even more tired after. Haha.


If I were British I would carry around a monicle and drop it whenever I was horrified


I was just at a restaurant and they yelled out order 867 so I yelled out 5309 and absolutely nobody laughed, how does nobody find this funny?