Her: I like long walks on the beach.
Me: Is there WiFi?
Me: The beach.
Me: We should see other people.
911: Whats ur emergency?
“OMG my neighbours cat is stuck on the roof-”
911: Ma’am, this is an emergency only service-
“-of my sons mouth.”
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I hope to be a cat in my next life so that I can make someone’s life more fulfilling without actually having to do anything for them.
Looking for a +1 for my wedding.
Reasons I visit a TL:
1. You’re a genius
2. You’re far from a genius
3. I like you
4. I know you hate me and want you to know I know
I wouldn’t mind being catcalled if it were useful: “Hey baby, boot sale at Macy’s!” or, “Line’s shorter at Starbucks on 5th, sweet cheeks!”
[being strapped to a medieval torture table]
“tbh not what I thought you meant when you said you were going to show me a nice rack”
Don’t be sad, laundry.
nobody’s doing me either
Wrong hole! It’s too tight!
-me putting on my watch, you pervs
GUY WHO INVENTED THE PHOTOGRAPH: I invented the photograph!
GUY WHO HATES THE GUY WHO INVENTED PHOTOGRAPHS AND IS ABOUT TO INVENT PUZZLES: Cool can I see that?
*shows buyers around my home*
This is where I do all my crying but you can cry anywhere really