@LaziestCanine

“911 what’s your emergency”
IM DYING
“what happened”
I GOT STABBED LIKE 3 TIMES
“lol pics or didn’t happen”

You Might Also Like

@Nahdude83

I put the “native” in descriminative…

Wait, that’s not good.

@Maxine12333

Reached a point in my life that I have no ‘bones to pick’ nor ‘axes to grind’. Most would call it forgiveness, I call it memory loss and it’s peaceful.

@notfaizzy

I used to think chiropractors were useless till I had back problems… Now, I stand corrected.

@KissabiX

Shakespeare making a mixtape: Tupac or not Tupac

@Darlainky

I’m not a bad person, although once I blew a paper straw cover at my husband and it stuck in a lady’s hair and I didn’t tell her.

@lilgapeach30

Oh you’re a jogger? Good for you. I just burned 3000 calories in under 30 minutes.

Can’t believe I forgot that pizza was in the oven.

@TheHatStore

me: hey dad will you pass the turkey

dad: *pats belly* I sure hope so son