@ArfMeasures

9:30 a.m. Gonna buy a sandwich for later

9:33 a.m. technically this is later

You Might Also Like

@LOVELADONNIS

Woman on the plane just asked her crying son “are you gonna be a gangsta or a crybaby” I’m like damn are these the only options?

@loribuckmajor

Doctor’s office: All our records are electronic now just fill out these 12 forms.

@Reverend_Scott

[at Applebees on Christmas]
God: Your food good?
Jesus: Ya, it-
*a crowd of servers surrounds them*
Jesus: You didn’t…
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO Y

@Cheeseboy22

Just gave my next door neighbor a giant bag of candy to dump in my sons trick or treat bucket on Halloween so I can go home after one house.

@FredTaming

[a doomsday prepper whose rations from Y2K just ran out today emerging from his shelter] hey everyone hows it going

@Playing_Dad

*shuts down road going both ways*
Right over here, officer. Here is where the accident happened.
*pulls tiny sheet over squirrel*

@stevevsninjas

[treading water in the ocean with my pet porcupine]
Me: we’ll just have to find another life raft, Jabby