It’s about time you stopped being a bystander and became a passerby.
9am: Very busy day today, I need to focus & stay off the internet
1pm: did you know that Texas has the largest population of prairie dogs?
You Might Also Like
Everybody always says never go to bed angry, but nobody told my husband never let your wife go to Target angry. He learned this the hard way.
Wife: So, I really need you to help out this week, because I’m super busy at work.
Me: Mmm hmmm
Wife: Are you even listening to me?
Me: *thinking about opening a restaurant for cats* You need me to buy super glue and a wok. Got it.
Hot Shingles in your area want to give you a painful rash.
[Dramatically turning from the jukebox and flipping my collar]
“May I have this dance?”
[Who Let The Dogs Out starts blaring]
my neighbor is SO SWEET she somehow decided all of us neighbors on both sides love wind chimes SO MUCH she bought wind chimes for her backyard
Me: [doing crossword] root veggie; 4 letters
Me: French she; 4 letters
Me: orange drink; 5 letters
Me: bumble; 3 letters
Me: speak; 4 letters
Me: OJ Simpson; 5 letters
Me: bug; 6 l-
Wife: oh hell no.
Groom: Dude, the invitation was for Gandalf the Grey.
Gandalf: Oh, it’s Gandalf the White now.
Gandalf: [looks fabulous]
her: do u like dogs or cats better
me: [reading menu] what page are u on
I’m at my most vulnerable when I’m trying to spell Chrysanthemum