@ShivangiJha08

9y/o~poking finger on my face.
Me(yelling)~dont touch me with your finger
Later~glad he got loophole now what to do with a foot on my face

You Might Also Like

@Swishergirl24

Why don’t furniture stores just tell us when they’re NOT having a huge sale?

@Kryzazy

Drank so much coffee I think I just lost hearing in my right eye.

@ericonederful

I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their shit together.

@WildeThingy

I used to think alcohol silenced the voices in my head until I realised it had just moved them to my mouth.

@timk927

Saying someone is doing something “like a boss” to me is an insult because my boss does things half assed & incorrectly then blames others

@batkaren

*medication may cause
– hair cramps
– tongue mold
– restless skin syndrome
– pomegranate ear
– swamp lip
– knee teeth

@jellybnbonanza

I actually turned on the light so the Roomba could “see” where it was going, so I’m not exactly firing on all cylinders today.

@retsoor

them: how are you

you: [desperately aware that herds are necessary for survival] normal

@andlikelaura

Killer: come out come out wherever you are

Me: *hiding*

Killer: omg what a cute puppy!

Me: *jumps out* i wanna see the pup…oh man