I’ve been misusing the term “sunk cost fallacy” for years but it’s too late to stop now.
You Might Also Like
Husband: Let’s coordinate a time when we can go to the gym together.
Me: There’s a weights class I’ve been wanting to try.
Husband: You could use some cardio too.
*****
Services will be held at 7pm/6 Central. In lieu of flowers, please donate to your local pet shelter.
17 asked what the 80’s were like and i told her to sit in the middle of the front seat between me and her grandma.
In fifth grade, we were supposed to write a story about an antihero but I was only half-listening so I wrote a 6 page story about an ant who helped people quit smoking and my teacher sent me to the school psychologist.
My kids are out of town so I’m going to get wild and drink my coffee while it’s still hot.
[being interviewed from a lily pad in a fetid bog] I mean, if you think about it who hasn’t lied to a witch at some point?
This seems like a really, really bad idea.
*jumps in with both feet*
My 2 year old asked me for potato and kept getting mad at me when I gave her potatoes to eat.
It took a good 20 minute meltdown before I figured out that she calls play-doh potato.
Learning a new language has been hard for both of us.
You girls are so cute, talking about crumbs in your bra. I found a missing hiker in mine.
I’m a 67-year-old obese male with moderate COPD and I’m pretty sure the coronaviruses are passing around pictures of me.
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I’m looking for the thumbs-down button.
I accidentally confused Star Trek with Star Wars and some kid threatened to cut me with his Virgin card.
I promised my husband a real show in the bedroom tonight. I hope he loves sock puppets.
Guys, please recycle. We wanna leave a better world for Betty White when we’re gone.
We couldn’t just…..find their homes?
I set my alarm in a way to try to trick morning-me into getting up earlier, but morning-me is a math wizard and cannot be fooled.
4-year-old from next door got a whistle for his birthday and I got 1 phone call.
Fact: Bernie Sanders won’t release his birth certificate because it proves that when he was born he was already a 74-year-old man
4yo: mom the whistle makes my brain hurt
me: same
4yo: *blows whistle again*
DUI checkpoint cop: sir, have u been drinking tonight
me: define sir
HULK:*smashes a tank*
IRON MAN:*flies bomb into space to save mankind*
HAWKEYE: I have an arrow w/ your name on it pal, hold on stand still
Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween. It’s terrible for the environment. Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly.
If there’s anything more exhausting than having a face-to-face conversation with another human being I’ve yet to find it.
I had beer at lunchtime and now I think I might be sitting in the wrong office
Him: Are you always this socially awkward?
Me: Only when I’m in my human form.
Him: So always.
You ever bark back at your dog and then wonder what you just said?
Life hack: Stop looking for love in Tinder or Twitter. Try Linkedin, at least you know they’d all have a job.
I like to put on a clay mask and lurk around in the background while my daughter FaceTimes her friends.
It went from “Oh, you guys really want to get to know your mom” to “Why are you asking me all these questions?” to “Which of my accounts are you trying to get into?”
Monday
Does Rapunzel use the shampoo “Head & Shoulders, knees & Toes.”