mario: I hate you
wario: and I hate you
mario:
wario:
mario: do you wanna play tennis
wario: lmao hell yeah
You Might Also Like
Let’s be honest: The documentary they were making before the Blair Witch killed them would have sucked
Having a child doesn鈥檛 make you a father. Sneezing as loud as you can after cutting the grass does.
My rapper name is Chick P cause I mostly just hum about us.
I plan to say ridiculous things to people all day, but it’s totally OK cuz I’m gonna say, “no offense” afterwards.
My spouse wonders why I have a hard time visiting his parents for the whole weekend but it probably has a lot to do with the fact that I have to put a bra on before coffee
my ex: i want u back
me: the groupchat said no
My kids will insist on wearing the same grungy PJs for 6 days in a row, but they’ll put a t-shirt in the dirty hamper just because it fell off the hanger
Getting to know someone is a lot like making toast; don’t do it in the bathtub.
Don鈥檛 tell me what to do, you鈥檙e not a donut
Instead of a sock on your door, hang a doughnut. Not only is Doughnut Disturb hilarious, you provide a snack for your now homeless roommate.
Remove dead skin by hurling yourself into an active volcano.
Saving Private Ryan but it鈥檚 just me retrieving my daughters favourite toy that she鈥檚 dropped down the toilet
God *creates a worm* hello little buddy!
Worm: Thanks for the “worm” welcome haha
God *creates birds*
dvd? why are the Ds fighting??
What’s the difference between a a camera and a sock?
A camera takes photos,
a sock takes 5 toes.#SockDay #SundayVibes #RubbishJokes
Priest: what do you think is the biggest thing keeping you from heaven right now?
Me: death, probably
Nobody ever appreciates all the work I put into perfecting my karate moves. It’s always “you can’t do crane kicks here” and “ma’am please leave the zoo immediately”.
Sucks when good bands have dumb names.
“What are you listening to?”
“It’s Made Out of Babies, they’re really great.”
“…”
I was highly offended until I realised HR were calling me incompetent and not incontinent.
馃幍 These cheese curds are beyond compare
I can watch the hockey there
I wear my toque and back bacon is keen
Eat Tim Horton’s with no cares
Share my french fries with some bears
But I cannot compete with you
Poutine
If I owned a bar, the only food I’d serve would be warm buns and it would have a dance floor. I would name it Abundance.
I am so sorry.
I hate when I give people nicknames like “stupid face” on my phone and I cant remember who the stupid face is.
do british taxpayers realise how much money goes down the drain because james bond won’t take the bus
The whole “bad boy” thing is fun until you have kids with him. Ooh you drank away the diaper money? That’s soooo hot
If a mouse family ever stole my iPhone and used it as a flat screen TV then I’m okay with it as long as they’re happy.
The ironic thing about the original Scooby Doo adventures was that the only real supernatural phenomena they encountered was a TALKING DOG.
16: ‘We should put a flat screen on the wall!’
Wife: ‘I really don’t like mounting things.’
Me: *mumbles ‘No shit.’
W: ‘What was that??’
Always the barmaid, never the bar.
I don’t want just any tamale. I want a goddamn tamale.
Remember when parents said “I’ll give you something to cry about” & were scared they’d hit us but they destroyed the housing market instead?