Se7en, but instead of deadly sins, the murders are based on different Smurfs.
You Might Also Like
Android Oreo announced today; you’ll be able to update your devices by the time the next solar eclipse comes around.
Mortal Kombat Announcer: FINISH HIM
Scorpion: it helps if u choke me a little
Newsreader: “And now Tom with the weather.”
Weatherman: “It’s Tim, actually.”
Newsreader: “Sorry. And now Tom with the tim.”
Oh, you want to fight? Ok, one second *takes off glasses, removes retainer, unpins towel cape, empties snacks from pockets, sets down kitten
How often do I make chemistry jokes? Periodically.
I actually told one the other day. There was no reaction…
When my in-laws kindly told me to treat them as if they were my own family I graciously obliged.
I don’t speak to my own family either.
SHAME ON YOU LOT for showing newby tweeters bad behaviour this weekend
*ring ring*
ME: Hello
FRIEND: Nat. Why is my son saying the F Word?
[NASCAR Press Conference]
REPORTER: What’s your race strategy?
DRIVER: Fast circles
I’m over here watching #Dateline alone, with all the doors unlocked, lighting up the room.
“This sausage tastes funny.”
“Funny how? Like it’s made from a clown? Because it’s not. It’s absolutely not clown sausage.”
[I see a bug outside] Nature is marvelous
[I see a bug inside] This must be the deliverer of my death
“He is woke.” – Millenial Easter
Don’t ever sing Three Times a Lady to a woman that’s gained 20 pounds.
My husband knows this now.
Jay Z and Beyonce had a 4 million dollar dinner with Obama…. Wtf did they eat? Fresh dinosaur?
Christian: You need Jesus in your life
Me: But I can’t find him
Jesus: *Hiding in a cave, giggling*
I remember when I was younger and I picked this girl up from her house, her dad answered the door and was like “have her back by 2200 hours” and I didn’t know military time but I was ok at maths and was like “sure, see you in 3 months”
living with roommates is fun because you get to learn what their parents think should be refrigerated
I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.
People who think getting friendzoned is bad have clearly never been Autozoned.
April is alcohol awareness month…..I think we’re all aware.
Cheers!
Stuck behind a guy with 13 items in the express lane and my avocados have already gone bad.
I triple waxed for this?
Me: i’ll have a Dr.Pepper
Waiter: is Mr.Pibb ok?
Me: is he a doctor?
Him “I like you”
Me: “Meh, give it five days.
Him: “No I really like you”
Me: “okay. Ten.”Narrator * It would, in fact, take 4.
me: correct me if I’m wrong-
the internet: sir, we will correct you even if you’re right
How did they call Deadpool’s dog ‘Dogpool’ when ‘Deadpoodle’ was right there.
If a child’s survival depended on my ability to share bacon, I would weep greasy, bacony tears at that child’s funeral.
[i bite into an apple and a swarm of bees comes flying out]
“this gives me an idea for a restaurant”
Therapist: …and if you don’t start working to control your anxiety, you’ll never stop making your own private hell
Me: so I get to be the devil
Therapist: no absolutely no-
Me: Very cool
Therapist: wait but
Me: incredibly cool
The part I don’t like about the show Unsolved Mysteries is when the mysteries don’t get solved.