100,000 Americans signed a petition to have Justin Bieber deported back to Canada.
8 million Canadians signed a petition to prevent this.
You Might Also Like
I think the most fucked up thing about the Catholic Church is that they force Bishops to only move in diagonals
I watched a YouTube video about six signs you have depression and are not just lazy. I’m happy to report that apparently, I’m just lazy.
There’s no cool way to get your braces unstuck from the carpet.
*Buys map of world, pins it up on wall*
*Throws dart, swears to visit wherever it lands*
*Visits the middle of the Atlantic Ocean*
Thought Experiment: Stand on a scale in an elevator. Cut the cable. You, the scale, and the elevator fall — scale reads zero
Meeting with a realtor to sell my moms house:
Realtor: What’s best about this area?
Mom: My sisters are close by.
Realtor: I meant, why would someone want to live here?
Mom: It’s better than being homeless.
Realtor:
Mom: And my sisters are really nice.
My husband: JUST TRUST ME
Me: Uhh you wanted to name both of our kids Atomic
Friend: “I grilled some chickens over the weekend.”
Me: “Did you get the information that you were looking for?”
[heist]
Me: *presses stethoscope against bank safe
Thief: well?
Me: omg…
[cut to safe being pushed rapidly down hospital corridor]
“You need some sunlight on that pasty skin of yours”–says my mom as she cures me of social anxiety and crippling depression
You can tell a lot about a person just by noticing how they continue to talk after you’ve sighed six or seven times.
Mermaids are a lot less sexy when their top half’s the fish part.
How come no one in the fast and furious movies ever need to get gas?
Sir, you can’t walk up to the drive through window.
[45 minutes later]
*gallops up to window on stick horse*
Boss: It’s Labor Day. Everyone gets the day off to celebrate all the hard work they do during the year.
Me: Is that why I’m-
Boss: That’s why you’re working.
I’ll never get picked for jury duty because I’d be the one on trial…..
being a parent can be really hard but one day your kid will do something simple like bring you breakfast in bed and in that moment you’ll know in your heart that you have to go and clean the kitchen
My anaconda don’t want none unless you got a suitable living environment for him, a terrarium with a heat lamp, some small rodents, etc.
My doctor told me if I was 5″ taller I’d be at the ideal weight, so I’m going to try and give that a shot.
Me: they’re coming!
911: can you hide?
Me: they’ll find me!!
911: stay calm
Me: the door is opening…help!
“Mooom! We want a snack!!”
A national monument to those brave online heroes who were “First!” in comments.
When you’re angry with someone, It helps to sit down and think about the problem .. 🤔
I can work well with others OR pass a drugs test. I can’t do both.
The X-Files will have 3 back to back episodes that are dead serious about elaborate conspiracies where anyone can be killed for knowing too much, and then the very next episode will be like “Scully there’s a dude I wanna check out who thinks he’s a goat”
Who decided to call them “wedding vows” instead of “veiled threats”?
Another couple invited my husband and me to do a triathlon and it’s way worse than we thought. Apparently “doing a triathlon together” is code for “doing a triathlon together.”
told my kid to sign my boyfriend’s birthday card
legally you can do anything in a library as long as you’re quiet
Husband: Where is the candy?
Me: What candy?
Husband: The Easter candy.
Me: *stuffing Peeps in my ears as earplugs* I’m going to bed- you need to figure this out.