There’s a book called “Why Women have sex” by Cindy Meston. The author also wrote”Why Men have sex” but I’m guessing thats just a pamphlet.
You Might Also Like
‘I HATE drama!’ -Dramatic people
We could all chip in, buy Rolling Stone magazine, and take turns being on the cover.
*first date*
Me: Tell me more about you
Her: *crazy eyes* WELL I HAVEN’T STABBED ANYONE LATELY
Me: *deletes Tinder* Let’s get married!
i watched my wife fall off a cliff… your whole world can change in a matter of seconds. mine almost did.
“This is so relaxing, better than going out”, she thought as she did her own pedicure balanced on one leg like a flamingo.
Please keep my 6 year old in your prayers, his sister is copying him.
Accidentally left the plunger in the toilet, so yeah the wife is wide awake now.
*Frantically checks the time*
OMG I THINK I’M LATE oh wait that was yesterday
Check your privilege
Pretending not to see the judgemental looks of other shoppers in the meat department as I continue to make all the hams kiss.
explaining to my friends w kids under 6 how it’s been isolating alone
Me: I can’t believe I’m only discovering Fleetwood Mac now.
Girlfriend: I’ve heard Rumours
Me: No, it’s true Sandra. They’re an actual band.
*remembers company is coming*
*checks all the garbage cans, switching out Walmart bags for real trash bags like some sort of rich person*
Mmmm canned fish.
ME, in denim jacket and bolo tie: But why not?
BRIDE: I said NO.
devastated to announce I did not win the mega millions so I will be at work on monday
Body: I’m sooooooo tired
Brain: WHAT IF DINOSAURS HAD ASSAULT RIFLES
Cop: Know why I pulled you over?
Me: Was it the air guitar?
Cop: *shy* Yeah can… can I get your autograph?
Me: Happens all the time.
Cop: Thanks!
Me: Hey! This is a ticket!
broke down and did it
The Count of Monte Cristo remains popular because it speaks to that universal human desire to flex on everyone you went to school with
The correct etiquette is to always use a fish knife when eating fish; a tomato knife when eating tomatoes; and a Swiss Army knife when eating the Swiss Army.
me: how can I impress my date
friend: take her to your favorite food place
me: ok
[later]
her: that’s was really nicemy mom: you’re welcome
4YO: Mom, you just yawned. That means you’re tired.
6YO: No, she just sighed. It means she’s had it with you.
My son gave me the ultimate Mother’s Day gift: he just brought out all of the cups & dishes from his room & filled the kitchen sink.
I’m so blessed.
To make a long story short:
Hamlet: Everyone dies
Macbeth: Everyone dies
Titanic: Everyone dies
Twilight: You want to die
Can’t, busy teaching a toddler gang signs.
My 10yo got a “30 Days of Self-Care” calendar from school with activities she’s supposed to do each day of the month and my self-care activity is ignoring it.
Beyonce was Destiny’s Child. The other two were adopted.
(Job interview)
“How would you describe yourself?”
I’m very vague
“Ok, can you be more specific?”
No
stop being so defensive i am just trying to hit you with weapons