A Video no one needed, but since I miss saying these things, here is what Product Managers actually do.
Ask & say a bunch of random things to sound smart.Hope I get hired for my honesty at least if not for my skills 😀
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Dog knew jumping the last level was a waste of energy…🐕🐾😅
Our lord and savoury.
he’s got his mother’s eyes, and his father’s chin… when will this child stop collecting bodyparts
How can you tell a vampire has the virus?
He’ll be coffin.
If you walk in on a girl giving birth in the bathroom at Applebees, don’t judge her, you’re also eating at Applebees.
When someone reads your message, then never responds, it’s just hurtful.
I mean, what else could they possibly have going on at 3 AM?
If I didn’t have kids, I’d be questioning why I found acorns under a fake Christmas tree.
“seasonal depression” makes it sound like i brought it home from the farmers’ market
“You can’t even handle 2 days locked inside AT HOME?! You’d never make it in prison!”
Well no shit. It’s one of many reasons I don’t commit crimes, ya dipshit.
I scream, you scream, we all scream, while I’m crawling under the bathroom stall to say hi to you.
I asked my son to look through the playroom for things to donate to goodwill, and he was so generous about it, within minutes, he came back with a whole bag filled with his sister’s toys.
I will give Canada this. Their geese are hard to keep in a headlock.
Me, as a kid: Proud of myself for reading a 300 page book
Me, as an adult: Proud of myself for reading all 3 paragraphs of an email
gf: i’m breaking up with you.
me: is it my drinking habits?
gf: well it…
me: *interrupts with empty cup straw-sipping noise for 2 minutes*
Me: …. Dog: … Me: …. Dog: … Me: … Dog: … Me: …. Dog: … Me: … Dog: … Me: … Dog: have the shrooms kicked-in yet? Me: ..
My grandpa purposefully takes his hearing aids out so he can’t hear my kids. I don’t blame him. I’m jealous of him.
Turtleneck pro: if you wear one while you’re eating you can’t get crumbs in your bra.
Turtleneck con: see above.
me: *sees bags of soil stacked in garden center
brain: slap ‘em, slap ‘em hard
PRIEST: The couple has chosen to write their own vowels
HER: Shouldn’t it be –
HIM: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
ariana grande looks like she was designed in a lab by japanese perverts
My girlfriend steals all the blankets in her sleep and I wake up cold, next to an adorable linen burrito.
Get your faces tattooed on each other, so if the wife ever says ‘you’re a joke’ you can say ‘the joke’s on you’ and disarm the situation.
If I was ever asked to be a cheerleader I’d jump at the chants.
My daughter is too old for Disney channel movies so I obviously need another kid.
Oh, your kids sit down and eat dinner? That’s cool. Mine perform interpretive dance in the kitchen while their food gets cold.
I post 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 on Facebook everyday.
I don’t play Wordle, but it drives my family nuts.
*gets lockjaw when putting on eyeliner*
ME: How are you?
GUY WHO JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THE WORD ROBUST: Robust.
[philosophy class]
PROFESSOR: u must question everything
[later]
ME: *grabs lamp and shakes it* what have u been doing all day?!