What if a woman was Nunchucks?
– Inventor of Couples Figure Skating
You Might Also Like
wild how someone lied about how they got pregnant 2000 years ago and now i have an air fryer
You ever pump your gas slowly on purpose so no one realizes you only had $3 on you
The Rock hasn’t released a movie in two weeks. I hope he’s okay.
T-REX *runs past me*
ME: woah more like tyrannosaurush
T-REX *stops dead* ok you first. I’m gonna eat you first
[Scooby & the gang catch a regular guy]
“Let’s see who this ghost really is!”
No! Wait, I’m not-
[rip off face]
*gasps* “OLD MAN SKELETON?”
Awww it’s cute how your baby pulls my hair. Like she doesn’t realise I will pull hers right back.
men’s fashion peaked in 1838
In high school I only played the trombone so I could hit people and make it look like an accident.
I often think about the time my ex thought I was cheating on him with a craft store
My husband did a load of dishes and folded a load of laundry and then complained that I didn’t even notice and I laughed so hard I almost coughed up a lung.
If you know shes had a bad day just ask her how she is doing. Then when shes talking you can think of a good tweet that makes fun of her day
Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex’s hometown, buy her a puppy
If you enjoy Vampire Weekend thank your Vampire Union
this is the most humiliating day of my life
Mom, here’s a picture of my bf, he’s a musician
“That’s just the stock image that comes with the frame”
ur wrong, mom. Me and DJ 8×10 are in love
I Saw someone say Florida upside down look like the grinch and after i flipped my Phone i’m mad i can’t unsee it😭😭😭
No more eating spaghetti while driving and this time I mean it.
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn’t really work otherwise.
Sunday
ME: “Aloe Vera”
VERA: “Aloe”
getting corrected
Aladdin’s love for carpet rides must have saved Jasmine thousands of dollars in waxing fees and razors.
I was feeling really festive watching the fireplace channel on tv, until I got confused and tried to throw another log in there.
Good man! 👦🏻😡💪👍
My lighter has 2 options:
1. Nope
2. Flamethrower
Dude, I know this is Sparta. There’s like a huge sign at the front gates. Why are you yelling at me?
My mind is always on fast forward while my body’s in slow motion. I’m just like that channel where the sound is out-of-sync w/ the picture.
captain: *drops anchor over side of boat*
me: great now who’s gonna do the news
I was having a political fight with someone on Twitter while my dog was out back barking at the wind.
Then we switched.
love it when they get my name right