What’s the normal amount of hair to mail someone? I feel like this is a lot of hair I’m mailing to someone
You Might Also Like
Kid: *spills cereal all over the floor*
My husband: Can you grab the vacuum cleaner?
Me: Sure *whistles for the dog*
My 7yr old was legit mad at me because I wouldn’t let her practice giving me a Covid test with Q-tips. The meltdown was torture but I feel like I made the right choice.
Really? Still no Kate? Has anyone even tried yelling Marco?
walmart in August: here’s some pumpkins
walmart ON halloween day: merry christmas
WHERE’S THE PUMPKINS AT BRO I NEED 3.
I like my men like I like my coffee. Tied up in a burlap sack and dragged through Columbia behind a donkey.
My 3yo just ate a bunch of almonds and complained his chin hurt from the salt.
I asked him if he wanted a wet napkin to help.
He said he needed a dinner roll to help it.
Now he’s holding a King’s Hawaiian Roll on his chin.
[grocery store, frozen aisle]
Me: *inhales, stretches arms high*
OmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmClerk: ma’am are you doing yoga?
Me: oh no, I’m just trying to reach dinner peas
“what do your tattoos mean?” that I can’t be trusted with $200
My coworker just proudly announced that he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus because he an athiest. Uh, sure bro, but also how about because you’re 34?
Traffic cop: Just blow into this for me sir.
Man in car: But that’s a balloon.
Traffic cop: if you just cooperate sir, it’ll soon be a dog.
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little
Lamb. Maybe she wasn’t that hungry.
Just because someone smiles a lot doesn’t mean they’re nice. Take alligators for example.
hollywood loves making white people on tv eat chinese food directly from the container with chopsticks they can’t use so they just poke the food
Some of y’all never had to risk it all for a LimeWire download and it shows
Honestly the Bible is pretty good for God’s first book
Mike Trout turns 26 today. If he keeps up this pace, he’ll be 30 in four years
There are many puddles in my city right now and I have very quickly learned I have holes in my shoes.
[the city, seeing a marching band]
DAD: Son when you grow up, would you be the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned?
ME: i’m 6
[Me in a horror movie]
*is not at the cabin because I have no friends*
How many rum & cokes are too many after a couple Vicodin?
Asking for this EMT. He seems pretty interested.
Sorry, what did you say? I was staring at my ceiling fan wondering what I would do in a scenario where it fell and helicoptered around my house chasing me
Who called it a vasectomy and not a cull de sack?
DM from account I don’t follow: “Hi”
Click on account
Follows – 7
Followers – 0
Tweets – 0
Retweets – 0
AVI – Pretty girlMe: Okay, I can work with this.
Super Mario and Zelda are very accurate in depicting the idiotic things men will do for pussy.
*orders a medium pizza*
*opens box*
PIZZA: I’ve contacted your late grandmother. She wants you to know-
*eats pizza*
The perfect introvert’s party cake doesn’t exis…
Surely it must be just Zealand by now.
[Facebook post]
Wife: Decorating with the fam and listening to holiday music #blessed[real life]
Wife: QUIT THROWING THE GODDAMN ORNAMENTS AT YOUR BROTHER
My wife asked me to help decorate the cookies for her sister’s baby shower, and then just as quickly asked me to please stop helping.