Who the hell named it a ” Crop-Top ” and not a ” T-short “?
You Might Also Like
Grooming tip:
Cut your toenails every 2 to 24 weeks whether they need it or not.
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets. Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets.
My life has been so screwed up when there was supposed to be a fork in the road I found a spoon.
if you wear a bikini top instead of a bra you can go out with wet hair & people will think you just went swimming which is athletic not lazy
[puts a tub of Blue Bell in the cart]
Ma’am, did you hear there was a recall? That could be deadly.
[slowly puts second tub in cart]
“…until death do us part” okee sure, death of what tho?
Don’t post your New Year’s resolutions to social media. Two months from now, when you’re elbow deep in a bag of Cheetos, you don’t need anyone asking you how marathon training is going.
Despite being terrified of alligators, I’ve taken a job at the Florida Everglades just so I can tell people I’ve been swamped at work all week.
*watches him dance*
*whispers* I’ve made a huge mistake.
I’ve gone unverified for 5,000 years.
Why change now?
Do you ever get shampoo in your eyes and wonder what the name of your guide dog will be?
Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
*daughter reading
*son playing ipod
*dog sleeping
*house quiet
*I go take a dump
FISTFIGHT BREAKS OUT, DOG’S ON FIRE
customs agent:
Anything to declare?me:
Yes, I really miss my dog.
Tomorrow I think I’ll just walk around restaurants with a clipboard shaking my head & hope they bribe me with free food.
The first snow has arrived and now we will see how many don’t know how to drive
Ice Bucket Challenge Champion since 1945 ☺️
I do yoga so I can dress myself when I’m single.
My career as a mortician ended when I couldn’t hear the word succumb without giggling.
My wife says she can breakdown cardboard packaging for the recycling bin better than I can. I think I will just let her have that one.
[1st person to try jogging]
Peasant: what chasest thou, m’lady?
Jogger: Nothing. I doth run for mine own pleasure.
Peasant: *suddenly holding a torch and pitch fork* WITCH!!!
10: I just read that you have fingertips but not toe tips yet you can tiptoe but not tip finger.
Me: It’s 6 am.
When someone looks over my shoulder while I’m on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, “HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME.”
Me: *practicing selfie poses in the gym mirror*
Trainer: Ma’am, are you having a stroke?
Harder!
Faster!
A little to the left.
Yeah, that’s the spot.Me, watching my husband scrub the shower.
I don’t understand what’s happening here.
I will literally eat plates of junk and think nothing of it, then eat a single berry and Google its health benefits
One Saturday morning at three,
A cheese monger’s shop in Paree.
Collapsed to the ground,
With a thunderous sound,
Leaving only a pile of de brie.#Limerick #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes
I just searched for a picture of “desserts” and a photo of grapes popped up. What kind of sick person has grapes for dessert?
My little dog: *knocks garbage can over in kitchen, walks by me with pizza crust hanging out of his mouth like a cigar*