Experts say we may be as little as two days away from finally leaving the March Age. The next epoch is provisionally being called “April,” and is also expected to last 5-10 million years.
You Might Also Like
Sorry I said you and your husband look related.
Emotional awareness simply means recognizing, respecting, and accepting your feelings as they happen.
📸: @livinglyfree
#emotion #positivemindset #PositiveVibes #selfcare #selfcare
My dog is home alone for the first time today. I wish I knew how he was doing, but he won’t answer my texts.
Bartender: YOU’RE the guy that drinks from the soap dispenser in the toilets?
Me: [I try to say “NO” but it’s just lavender scented bubbles]
dudes be like “oh you “love” this band? name 72 of their songs” pump the brakes Tyler, you can’t name your child’s pediatrician
Friend: Your makeup looks nice.
Me: Thanks. I went to a wedding last weekend.
Client said she needs to “find her zen” during our mediation and I don’t think she knows that mediation and meditation are two diff things.
My kids forgot the name of the game Marco Polo so they are currently playing Mario Luigi at the pool.
Freak parents out on Facebook by posting, “Just read a health article about how a camera flash causes diabetes in kids under the age of 10.”
The older I get, the more I feel like the town elders in Footloose were actually pretty cool.
Genie: ok, this is your last wish
Me: Could you speak up a bit?
Genie: YOU IDIOT!
Butterfly courtship ritual:
Male: *does mating dance*
Lady: Fluttery will get you nowhere
It was obvious from the camera angle it was AMC killing it’s viewers. #TWDfinale
Got excited because I found $20 in the laundry. Then I remembered my kids don’t have jobs and the money was probably mine.
Oh, more embarrassing things I have done as a lawyer:
While working from home, I joined zoom court with my microphone on, not realized it, and reacted to a knock at the door by yelling “I swear to god I am in court right now!” And the judge said, “yes, you are.”
As a mom of 18 & 20 year olds: save while your kids are young, then at graduation, buy yourself a new car & send them to community college.
I’m not a bad person, although once I blew a paper straw cover at my husband and it stuck in a lady’s hair and I didn’t tell her.
INTERVIEWER: What do you see as your biggest weakness?
ME:
INTERVIEWER:
ME:
MY MOTHER: He’s not good at speaking up for himself
My son’s default mode is “protester being dragged out of a political rally.”
crow 1: wanna hang out?
undercover cop crow: you’re busted for attempted murder
I asked my magic 8 ball about my romantic future and it said “I hope you like cats.”
You want some advice? Don’t order crab cakes when you’re 700 miles from the ocean.
throwback to when the car insurance lady asked my mom for front, rear, & side views but she didn’t get the memo..
What If When You Die They Ask You
“How Was Heaven?”
[first day as a cop]
MY PARTNER: oh shit, there’s a body in this house!
ME: yeah frank, there are bodies in all houses, that’s where people live
Trouble brewing at Symphony Hall. It’s the bottom of Beethoven’s 9th, and the bassists are loaded.
I don’t always look at my phone at a red light; but when I do, I look up to see a cop right beside me.
My favourite interaction on this hellish site just happened
*takes enough Xanax for an army* I have a killer headache
CW: *hands me 5 Advil*
Woah there brother I’m not about to OD here, 2 will do
how to meditate myself out of criminal intent oh shoot i thought this was google