Did Ace of Base ever do another song wherein it was explained what happened to her original baby?
You Might Also Like
Her: Are you a dog person or a cat person?
Me: …
H: …
M: …
H: Why are you hesitating?
M: I’m not sure which answer will get me laid.
me: I’ll have the prime rib
waiter: excellent choice sir
me:
waiter: do we really have to do this yet again sir
me: *after sliding to the other side of the table and putting on a blonde wig* oooooh it all looks so good what do you recommend
Saw a homeless guy at McDonald’s begging for money, told him I’d buy him something to eat. He said no thanks, getting money for Taco Bell.
“You called about a break-in?”
“I did.”
“Anything stolen?”
“Just some food.”
“Anything else?”
“She messed up the furniture.”
“She?”
“Blonde girl. Jumped out the window.”
Stop sending me this shit.
If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a capri sun
[i go to the aquarium wearing my cowboy boots and hat] “can we get extra security at the seahorse exhibit? yeah, he’s here again.”
i stopped listening to the radio once they stopped making them out of ham
banned from gardening forum for saying “it was me” every time someone posted and said “help, something is eating my tomatoes”
I’m the only woman at this baby shower who doesn’t have a baby. They better ooh and aah over my bassinet of deviled eggs.
Therapist: Are you two still romantic?
Me: I left him a heart made of post-it notes on the bathroom mirror last week.
Husband: There were chores written on all of them.
People with nuclear weapons are now effectively calling each other poopy pants. I’m gonna stop coming to work now.
Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.
[front of card]
No one will find your body[open card]
as attractive as I do[back of card]
lying at the bottom of an abandoned mine shaft
Cop: step out of the car please
Me: I picked a good day to wear my tap dancin’ shoes
[waking up after a night of drinking]
Age 21: did i make out with someone
Age 36: did i steal someone’s dog
*extreme announcer voice* Next up on Jesus The Real Truth: Was it crucifact or crucifiction
2 things lotion won’t let you do when it’s on your hands because it’s evil:
1) escape the bathroom
2) open a beer
If they ban straws, that means I can no longer flirtatiously blow the straw wrapper at my date and that is literally my only move.
Can you fail a drug test from a mosquito bite?
Asking for the next person this mosquito bites.
Blind Date: SWEET JESUS I DONT HAVE ANY EYES
Me: Of course you don’t, you’re a date
Blind Date: WHAT
Me: Kind of like a big raisin
Medication for depression “may cause thoughts of suicide”. If this were so for all meds then:
Diet Pills..may cause ravenous hunger
The first generation gentle parent in me resisting the urge to say ‘that’s what happens when you don’t pick up your shit’ when my kid falls over a toy.
Having survived numerous mysterious strangers attempting to kill him as a child, Hitler swore revenge on a cruel world.
Wife: You only half-listen to me. You’re in a boatload of trouble.
Me: Yes, let’s buy a boat.
hey guys I chipped my tooth and now I can do the land down under flute solo when I laugh
Interesting how Lassie always happens to be at the scene when a kid “falls” down a well.
Shot to the heart
And you’re to blame
You drink shots
With bad aim