Anthropic principle: the universe must be as it is in order for us to perceive it
Anthropomorphic principle: look, I’m a talking principle!
You Might Also Like
Life hack :
Receive a wide assortment of yellow, orange, pink and red envelopes, free of charge, simply by not paying your bills.
yes lassie?
“bark”
Timmy’s in the well and you pissed in my slippers and you told me about Timmy first so I wouldn’t get mad
“bark”
smart
DISNEY: A princess is strong!
ILLUMINATION: Minions are silly.
PIXAR: The meaning of life is not actually one answer, but the totality of an individual’s lived experiences, rarely appreciated without the wisdom of hindsight.
*CAN’T OPEN THE PICKLE JAR*
SHERLOCK: (suspiciously) Moriarty…
Netflix has such a dead movie selection, no wonder half the time everyone just starts having sex instead
Point blank tho, never met a turtle I didn’t like. Sea, snapping, painted, teenage mutant ninja…
*in the basement organizing LEGO by color and size*
My child: Can I help?
Me: *straight up hissing noises*
*arrives in hell*
*Hey Ya starts playing*
haha nice love this song
*song ends*
…
*Hey Ya starts playing*
wait no
“Grampa, how did you support gay marriage? Did you march like civil rights ppl?”
“No. Marching’s hard. I tweeted about it.”
You want some advice? Don’t order crab cakes when you’re 700 miles from the ocean.
I told my wife Netflix is voice enabled and listening to her scream “I’M STILL HERE!” repeatedly at the TV is maybe the greatest thing ever.
Why isn’t a fleet of helicopters just called hellacopters.
BREAKING
Scientists warn that Earth could run out of conspiracy theories by 2025 if they keep coming true at the current rate
I always sleep naked. I don’t care if it makes people uncomfortable, they can just switch buses.
Every day I try to learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
ME: Every tool in The Flintstones was an animal modified into servitude. Except for transportation. A role historically fulfilled by animals, yet man had to power their cars alone. It feels symbolically significant.
ARCHAEOLOGY PROFESSOR: How do you keep getting in here?
The older I become the more I think Oscar the Grouch should just be called Oscar.
You ever bark back at your dog and then wonder what you just said?
Today I took the stairs. My legs burned, I was all out of breath and I stopped and I thought to myself… I really need to stop using the stairs.
her: I’m bored
me: let me take you out and show you a good time
her: ok
[later]
me: *walking past a bar* look, everyone in there’s having funher: I see
I’ve been married to my husband for 16 years and just learned he doesn’t like ice cream cones. What in the hell have we been talking about all this time?
What’s the matter, babe?
You haven’t touched any of your Shrekfast.
I think I might be ready to start dating again?
Husband:
Nothing is guaranteed to be less funny than when an NPR host says, “You know, it’s funny…”
Daughter likes bananas.
Daughter likes banana bread.
Daughter won’t eat this banana bread because it tastes too much like bananas.
Seismologists are loyal to a fault
I’m awake.
Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.
“You know…”
[takes drag of cigarette]
“That energy bar is full of sugar”
[exhales]
sloth: *arriving at his prison cell*
prison guard: ok you’re free to go
*birds dress Cinderella for school*
*gets to school, goes into bathroom*
*buncha rabid squirrels gather and re-dress her in goth shit*