THE CAST OF “CATS” AS MEDIEVAL CAT PAINTINGS: A THREAD
You Might Also Like
Every night it sounds like my neighbors take turns at running headfirst into their walls
My five year old keeps asking about our plans “over the holidays.” By “the holidays” she’s referring to her birthday next month.
I have a lot of opinions for someone who is never completely sure of today’s date
in other news: 8 hours from now, half the country will be screaming about tragedy and loss b/c some dudes didnt catch a ball enough times
a ‘suggested’ serving size of chips seems to have been calculated by someone who has never eaten a chip
“Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want parmesan cheese.
I hate that feeling when your iPod earbud accidentally gets ripped out of your ear and you want to murder someone with a hammer.
My favorite thing about all the people waiting in line for the new iPhones is for those hours the rest of the world is a better place.
I was the most experienced baker at a bread factory. A roll model, if you will.
I once challenged Snoop Dogg to a rap battle and the loser had to change their name.
my anaconda don’t want none unless you got all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions on a sesame seed BUN HUN
Shout out to my kids because THEY AREN’T LISTENING!!!!
My dog has zero loyalty. You have a tennis ball? She’ll go home with you.
In her defense, I’ll do the same if you have carbs.
a good rule of thumb is to try to live your life in such a way that when you die, your funeral’s not drowned out by the world cheering
“I keep waking up at 2:04 every night”
— my 7YO describing what I can only assume is the beginning of our family’s real-life horror story.
When ever a girl wears a shirt saying ‘I Woke Up Like This’ I resist the urge to say I’m sorry about that.
Captain’s Log:
Day 1 —
Heavy storm shipwrecked us on an island. If we patch up the ship we can make it back to port. I’m confident in my crew that we can make it through this and get the S.S. Anger Management sea worthy again.Day 2 —
We killed Seamus.
The crappy spread on the sandwiches totally ruined the funeral reception I was at yesterday. I told them “I can’t bereave. It’s not butter”.
If a person checks their watch while you’re talking, it’s probably because they’re timing you and this is a competition. Keep talking. It’s win-time baby. You got this.
If you text your boss that you can’t come in and include the poop emoji, he doesn’t ask any questions.
Why do girls keep giving me their fax numbers?
Who wants to pump my gas? This is not sexual.
I started the electric slide at the park today. You should’ve seen those kids jump.
Want to know what I want with you? It starts with S, has an E in it and I want lots of it
Space.
Absence does not make the heart grow fonder.
Unless you’re talking about Oreos.
I wonder if sometimes when a serial killer is digging a new hole in his backyard he ever runs into an old project and thinks wistfully, “oh yeah… that guy.”
Stop putting words in my mouth. That’s were I keep my feet.
Look, 80’s kids went from Inspector Gadget to Terminator so we have a lot of mixed feelings about technology.
suspect: i ain’t talkin
cop: [sharpens knife] we got ways of making people talk [cuts a piece of cake]
suspect: can i have some
cop: cake is for talkers
Me – I’m not in the mood to work today
My bank account – you better GET in the mood