We usually make prime rib for Christmas dinner but with the prices of beef we’ve had to make some slight adjustments.
[Christmas dinner]
Me [serving guests]: More ramen?
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I heard the food was good but it had no atmosphere.
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Cook food – 30 minutes
Eat it – 5 minutes
Check Facebook – 1 minute
Check Twitter – 8 hours
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Him – what do you make at your current job?
Mostly mistakes and few inappropriate comments
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Me: Is anyone gonna eat this?
Them: That’s a baby.
Me: *rolling my eyes* that’s why I asked first.
They’re a pack of lions
He’s some guy who hates lions
Together, they’re:
PRIDE AND PREJUDICEThis fall on CBS
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me: as in if i were to have sex which way would i be facing?
My favorite thing on Twitter is when two astrologers fight about who’s right.
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X-ray technician: Please stop calling it that
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My daughter just called me “Whatever your name is” so you know I’m killing it at parenting multiple kids over here.
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Sneaking up behind people and marrying them