What if your beverage could lightly choke you? Try boba! Yes, boba. Combining refreshment and near death experience since 1980.
You Might Also Like
psychic: [sees guy in crowd w/ a pony tail] Sir did u know a Chad?
“yes”
From karate?
“YES”
Chad wants u to know he’s ok
*guy starts crying*
Dropped my son for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you’re supposed to pick them up?
Back in my mother’s house with my sister for the first time in many years and it’s like nothing’s changed… My sister’s still hogging the remote… 🙄
My confessional is just a list of things I’m willing to do for cheese
me: i want a girlfriend so badly
them: u have to start going on dates
me: seems excessive
ME: eat your veggies so you grow up big and strong
SON: *looks me up and down* you didn’t eat your veggies, did you
ME: *under breath* damn, son
What’s the game you play that when you lose you never regret it?
Russian roulette.
Nurse: What happened to your FINGERS?
Me: You know those chefs who cut up vegetables real fast?
N: Yes?
M: I can’t do that.
Nobody:
Every dad at the zoo: look I found your real family
Wife: can u unstack the dishwasher?
Me opening dishwasher, taking out large knife & cutting my hand off: I can’t, there’s been an accident.
I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?
Look at phone to see what the time is.
Check Twitter
Check Facebook
Check emails
Take a photo of my dogs
Watch a cat video
Check Instagram
Check Twitter
Look at some photos of my dogs
Send a text
Watch another cat video
Check TwitterStill no clue what the time is.
I thought Coachella was a bone in the ear.
reduce, reuse, recycle
me: how much for the dog bouquet
girl walking dogs: what
unbelievably distressed by this ad
CITY PLANNER: what should we call the paved path next to the street
CRAB: i have an idea
This impeachment is taking forever. I told you we should’ve bought impeachment pro. Now we have to watch all of these ads.
I buy ribbed condoms, it makes my balloon Armadillos more realistic
wife: I know we had plans tonight but I’ve been stuck in traffic for an hour and I just want to come home and relax
me [unaware that we had plans] Ok
Me: Dare me to find out how many Reese’s peanut butter cups can fit in my mouth?!
Date: What’s happening right n-
Me: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!
When I trip I always look back to see who or what did it because it couldn’t have possibly have been my fault.
me tryna look cute after stress eating for the last 17 months
Good morning to everyone, even people who say that we’re only good for downloading Google Chrome
The worst words a parent can hear: I’m not tired
Doctor: Any food allergies?
Patient: Sometimes dairy products disagree with me
Carton of milk: That’s not true
wife: Why didn’t you talk to me about getting a goat?
me [stops feeding the goat] You would have said no
How to be a Canadian:
1) Love hockey
2) Use good manners
3) Drink Tim Hortons
4) Live in a igloo
5) Hunt moose with stick
In 3rd grade I cheated off my friend Rena’s test because I didn’t know where Washington DC was. Turns out she didn’t know where it was either.
My kids super power is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it