I CALL BULLSHIT
Let’s hear some tropes in TV/movies that are complete bullshit. I’ll start:
Dude making dinner produces a gourmet-looking dish, has a neatly folded hand towel thrown over his shoulder, and is wearing an *immaculate* white dress shirt. BULLSHIT!
You Might Also Like
[at the altar]
*leans in for a kiss*Priest: the bride, sir
IT: You deleted the OS?
Me: I think so.
IT: It didn’t warn you?
Me: Yeah, but it only kinda warned me. What’s with the inquisition bro?
Little known fact: Arizona’s state flower is pavement.
My boss on Zoom: “Joe you been quiet today. Do you want to say anything?”
Me: “Betty White passed away so she could come back as Rihanna’s baby”
My boss: “Gang that’s my fault I should know better”
Unfortunately, Superman won’t be able to fight Dracula this evening…
.
.
.
.
.
.
He won’t go near the crypt tonight.
If my name was Dave I’d text my friends today saying “IT’S FRIDAVE! LET’S PARTY!”. They’d be sick of me by Tuesdave.
My husband said when I wear my hair on top of my head, I look like a pineapple or a genie. I told him to pick one fast so I can decide where he sleeps tonight.
Only I can prevent forest fires? Why are you leaving me in charge of forest fires? I can’t even prevent chafing.
Them: Ma’am, we received your Aisles On-line order and we’re just calling to question what seems to be a discrepancy in your order.
Me: I did indeed order 30 packages of bacon if that’s what you’re referring to.
“I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.” ~ me talking shit to my peanut butter sandwich.
Surprise them all by pulling a sword on your maid of honor.
i don’t know who needs to hear this but you can totally just buy an ink stamp that says CLASSIFIED and stamp it on whatever you want
This recipe calls for half an onion, which presumes I have a plan for the other half of the onion, which means the recipe is getting the whole onion.
trying to get cows to walk down stairs is a terrible way to find out cows can’t walk down stairs
I get very stressed out when characters in movies are told a rapid-fire list of things to do and don’t write it down.
professor x: what’s your power?
me: i’m at 6%
professor x: oh yeah you can definitely use my charger
“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.
i don’t give a shit what you losers think i’m clapping when the plane lands
JESUS: Take and eat; this is my body
ME: Umm
JESUS: Drink. This is my blood
ME: Can we get another waiter please!
JESUS: This is my mixtape
Enrique:I can be your hero baby
Me:I’m good
E:I can kiss away your pain
Me:Nah
E:You can take my breath away
Me: *smothers him with pillow
ME: This electric toothbrush knocked a few of my teeth loose.
DENTIST: That’s an egg beater.
Cobra Kai: sweep the leg!
Cobra: the what
i hate when someone rings my doorbell because then i have to drop whatever i’m doing to be silent and pretend i’m not home.
9 out of 10 men prefer a girl with a big rack. The 10th prefers the other 9 men.
My husband still waves to policemen like a 5 year old.
If God sent a flood to wipe out humans for being perverts what kinda nasty shit were the dinos into?
Guy asked if I put him in the friend zone. I was like, whoa slow down there. I’ll have sex with you, but friendship is a serious commitment.
I don’t know why Shark Tank rejected my Snore Stopper Pillow.
Friend: “Any plans this weekend?”
Me: “I’m going to Alcoholics Unanimous.”
Friend: “I think you mean ‘Anonymous’.”
Me: “Nope.”
I hate it when you’re about to sacrifice a baby, and you notice one of the other satanists is wearing the same robes.