Ok, but if Kit Kats are filled with other broken Kit Kats, how did they make the first Kit kat ever?
You Might Also Like
Hey everybody, I just finished the 30 day yoga challenge and it was easier than I expected. In fact, I bet I could go another 30 days without doing yoga.
Back in my day teenagers didn’t vape or use social media. They befriended talking animals and solved crimes for the police.
Cooking directions: Stir constantly until it comes to a boil.
Me: Orders takeout.
My friend just told me she’s sick and when I asked how she thinks she got it she told me it all started when she yelled at a bird who attacked her and I don’t know if I’m ready to dive into this
You don’t know terror until your kids drive and you’re paying their car insurance.
Me: time to sleep
Brain: You have zero skills that would be useful in an apocalypse so when they start to ration food supplies, people will eat you
Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine.
Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.
Just played that Facebook game where an app tells you what state you’re best suited to be in and I was disappointed it didn’t say unconscious.
“Stressed” backwards is “desserts” so chill and have that cupcake.
The Purge, but instead of 24 hrs of killing whoever we want, we get to tell our friends that we really think the person they’re dating is trash without consequences.
Girlfriend: “Does this dress make me look fat?”
Me: “Stop blaming the dresses.
groan^2
People will tell you daughters are less gross than sons.
My daughters started a snail zoo. There are snails everywhere.
I kept getting my shin badly grazed by the pedal of my bike when I was was a kid, that was one vicious cycle.
My dog and I both lose our minds when the doorbell rings but for totally opposite reasons……….I don’t want company
Bout to have the best sleep of my life
[ bob ross paints over me with a tree ]
In 5th grade I had to do a report on Ben Franklin and my parents interpreted it as me liking him so my 11th birthday was Ben Franklin themed
Cargo pants imply the existence of passenger pants.
I started cleaning the house at 8:00 this morning. And I cleaned for what felt like forever. Finally, at 8:05 I said, “Screw this!” and went back to the couch where I belong.
*shows up at your hot dog convention wearing nothing but mustard and a smile.
I accidentally called it an eternity scarf instead of an infinity scarf and now I have to drink my Starbucks outside.
Someday future archaeologists are going to dig up Disney World and think it was some bizarre mouse-worshiping kingdom.
If my boss suddenly revealed that he’d been Sacha Baron Cohen this whole time everything about my job would make a lot more sense
Good thing he found a cart, because that looks really heavy.
a bloodbath has got to be the least effective type of bath
If I got arrested I’d ask for one tweet instead of a phone call because none of my friends answer their goddamn phones.
MAGICIAN: Is this your card?
ME: Oh my gosh yes!
MAGICIAN: It’s been declined. Do you have another way to pay the deposit for your kid’s party?
I’d be far more impressed with He-Man if he went all the way and got his doctorate of the universe.