Instead of using the same password everywhere, I use multiple variations of the same password where I replace one letter with a special character or number, add extra letters and so on
This is super secure and protects all my accounts from ever being logged into by ME……ππ
You Might Also Like
Forcibly removed from the bowling alley for throwing overhand again
Life can only give you lemons if you answer the door.
This nation more divided than ever.
I just saw a tweet in support of raisins.
My kid is playing doctor and so far heβs thrown a stuffed animal at my knee, poked my arm with a stick, and asked if I like to climb trees. But I get to lie down, so best game ever
my idea of a perfect crime? Iβll show you
ME: itβs like we never see eye to eye
MY VESTIGIAL TWIN: lol that would be super weird
*giraffe getting his daily coffee*
G: usual grande mocha man
Barista: gee thatβs aβ¦
G: *sigh*
B:β¦tall order
G: Christ, every goddam day Phil
Sorry about the mess, but cleaning really chips my nail polish.
I bet before the band got popular, Barenaked Ladies concerts had a lot of pissed off attendees.
I’m getting really good at raising my eyebrow to communicate the concept of “that’s not six foot”.
I learnt it from various women who were communicating a similar message in a very different context.
[first time skydiving]
Me: LETβS GOOOOO- *jumps out*
Instructor (staring at me laying on the concrete): Plane hasnβt taken off yet
I was in a busy lift today and someone opened and started eating an egg sandwich.
Just to repeat: in a lift.
Neighbor: Hi buddy, how you doing this morning?
My 3 year old: Good. My mom puts heavy things on me at night so I canβt move or get out of bed.
A weighted blanket. We gave him a weighted blanket.
[In the White House war room]
Me: You know Militia would be a great name for a girl.
4 year old spent 10 minutes telling me about his grazed knee and how it βreally really hurtsβ but when he showed me it looked fine. He got mad that I couldnβt see the graze. Then he realised he was showing me the wrong knee
Some people have no respect. It’s obvious I’m on my phone trying to do something & this guys all “STEP OUT OF THE CAR WITH YOUR HANDS UP!”
I almost cut my finger off cutting some celery to eat and all I could think is this never happens with cupcakes.
i know someone who thought the chorus to gangnam style was βopen condom styleβ
Whenever people say they’re willing to do “whatever it takes” to “make it in Hollywood” they never mean “patiently work on their craft”.
Me: I want a labrador but pet shops are so expensive
Her: Have you tried dog pounds?
Me: Yeah, but apparently it’s ‘not a real currency’
Best part about marriage?
NO MORE CONDOMS!!!
Worst part about marriage?
No more sex.
children are a fun way to combine the impetuous insanity of a dog with the murderous disdain of a cat
A cactus is just a cucumber going through a punk phase.
Good news, people in 3rd world countries, suffering inexplicable hardships- Amy from fb says god won’t give you more than you can handle.
ME: I worked at a zoo for a while
THERAPIST: Great! & what did you take from that?
ME: [monkey noises coming from my bag] Uh good memories
Open casket funeral? Remains to be seen.
HER [sits seductively on my lap] The more you tip…the more I’ll take off
ME [reaches for wallet] This is such a weird way to cut hair
*doesn’t eat, sleep enough, drinks too much alcohol* WHY DO I FEEL LIKE SHIT