This day in history. 1881. A man in Großliebenthal Ukraine hit by an 8 kg stone deduced that it was a meteorite as his wife was out of town.
You Might Also Like
guy creating teenage mutant ninja turtles: so theyre teens, theyre turtles, whats something only the coolest teens do?
co-worker with a ponytail: karate
[inventor of edible arrangements] sorry for your loss, but you look like you enjoy throwing fruit away
My type is 12 pt Helvetica.
Do I love my coworkers? No.
But are they good at their job and make my life easier at work?
Also no…
me: if i had a time machine i’d eat dinner again
friend: so go back for seconds?
me: no probably longer than that
ME [wakes up next to attractive woman] omg wow, I can’t even remember, how…how far did we go?
HER: [looks out bus window] 2 stops
*presses shuffle on 900 song playlist
Spotify: IMMA ONLY JUST PLAY THESE 12 EVER
A guy with a sense of humor that matches mine will always get my attention.
The Chipotle I went to apologized for not having any lettuce today. I said “It’s cute that you think I’m here for that.”
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way… LOL.
Elmer Fudd discusses relationship with Bugs Bunny in revealing new interview. “Pwofessional. Not fwiends…it’s compwicated.”
My Ex told me once that more people would like me if I buttered them up, but in real people ran away when I step towards them with a butter knife.
If anyone else mentions how tiny I am today I will bite their ankles
My husband is on the roof – only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.
Me: DIALOGUE!!!
Other lumberjack: You’re supposed to yell timber.
yeah i’d have thought so, he’s a cat
Most people getting out of an Uber: “thanks”
Midwesterner getting out of an Uber: “Good luck with your custody battle! There’s no way the courts won’t be able to see what an amazing mother you are! You stay strong Amber…I love you!”
My gf told me that I punched her in the face while I was sleeping last night. I apologized because I totally remember being awake for that.
If you say something while exhaling smoke it is 10 times more profound.
😗💨
Me: got the Infinity Gauntlet from Thanos
Iron Man: snap and bring everyone back
Me: [turning things into puppies] hold on
me: i’m in love with you
therapist: *buzzes secretary* cancel my 10 o’clock
me: but I’m your 10 o’clock
waiter: our special is only $7.99
mechanic: i’m a mechanic.
[seconds later]
waiter: my guys in the back’re telling me the special’s actually going to be about $235 and some change.
mechanic: that’s too much.
waiter: *sucks air through teeth* they’ve already started on it.
Woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning…
…scared the living shit out of me.
hey guys. um so say i hypothetically worked at a big tech company and hypothetically spilled some diet ginger ale on the big um servers in the back room and now a lot of stuff is going wrong. what should i hypothetically do
Stopped visiting friends because they have a child gate on the way to the upstairs bathroom I can’t figure out.
it’s so sad that aladdin was my favorite movie as a kid and now i can’t even remember the main character’s name
Based on all of my exes I would have to say that Cupid has a wicked sense of humor.
My boss told me I look tired, so now I call her mom.
Some lady at Olive Garden died, so we’re rummaging through her stuff. Just like a real family.