Driving in Europe vs Canada
You Might Also Like
The 10 Most Defining Viral Twitter Posts of All Time
1.
FRIEND: hey while I’m on vacation can you come over and feed the cat?
ME:
FRIEND:
ME: to what?
Police Officer: You know, this is a one way street?
Me: I was only going one way…
@isabelzawtun @UncleDuke1969 I had a customer tell me that wanted 50% off an item because of a sign. The sign clearly stated which product was 50% off, which I pointed out. Her response was “what If I couldn’t read?”
I literally had to just walk away.
*Hanging upside down with my arms folded across my chest* You’d better put that toilet seat down when you’re done!
My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit
i couldn’t remember the word “counting” so i told my friend to “do the number alphabet.”
Until zoom life I had no idea how many people dig in their ear.
My friends are measuring the alcohol while making drinks. I need new friends.
[mailman delivering package to hospital]
DOCTOR: ah, just what the doctor ordered
MAILMAN: please stop saying that
One of the best
People that start a sentence with “Now I’m not trying to be rude” are either about to be rude, or about to sing Ignition by R Kelly.
Seriously how ugly was Little Red Riding Hood’s grandma?
Having a crush is weird bc one minute you’re a normal person and then out of nowhere you’re like damn I wanna bake that boy a pie
[dunk tank baptism] *to little boy* you only have 3 chances or this clown doesn’t get into heaven
I’m having one of those days where nothing seems to be going write.
BREAKING NEWS: Rihanna won’t be attending this year’s #MetGala after a back injury sustained from carrying the entire weight of the event for years.
Not saying the carpet needs cleaning but I just dropped a donut and now it’s an everything bagel.
[shopping]
May I help you find something?
“Where are the giants?“
What?
“Your sign outside says there’s a giant sale.“
I’m still rubbish at Venn diagrams. I really don’t get them. :/
Squirrel having fun.. 😅
If it looks like I’m typing for five minutes I’m really just trying to spell diarrhea.
I just owned you for three seconds. Possibly five if you’re a slow reader. Up to ten if you read this again.
Oh ok learning the difference between doing one thing a day that scares you and one thing a day that scares your doctor
Cops: COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM
Invisible Hands Adam: shit
[before sex]
ME: Did you notice I waxed?
WIFE: I wondered what happened to your eyebrows
ME: do you have a USB wire thingy so I can charge while driving my Honda?
BEST BUY EMPLOYEE: a cord?
ME: no, it’s a Civic
If you took the Facebook IQ Test and it determined you’re a Genius, the fact that you participated in a Facebook test negates the results.
I am fairly well educated, but not ‘knows every nuance of the English language’ educated.
I also have no idea what ‘nuance’ means.