‘Triskaidekaphobia’ is the word for an irrational fear of the number 13.
But why does Big Dictionary have no word for if the fear is rational? Like, maybe the number 13 killed your family, or cut your brake lines.
Stay woke, friends.
You Might Also Like
We don’t have Taco Bell in South Africa because this country’s been through too much already.
Friend: Hey, if you have a gambling problem, there’s a number you should call
Me: I bet it starts with an 8
Since I started yoga I’ve got so flexible I can now bend over far enough to see my toes.
[applying for a home loan]
Lender: how much is your car payment
Me: uhh
Lender: what’s your salary before taxes
Me: umm
Lender: do you know anything
Me: *smugly* a group of cats is called a clowder
Why jurors are not allowed to have cellphones in the courthouse:
Me, taking a selfie in the jury box: feeling cute, might convict someone later.
In my defense, I never said that I had “completed the project.” I said that I was “done working on it.” Two totally different things.
Dog: You’re back!
Me: Yes
Dog: I missed you so much!
Me: Aww, that’s sweet
Dog: Seriously, I almost died of loneliness
Me: Okay, but I was in the bathroom for like a minute
Dog: DON’T. EVER. LEAVE. ME. AGAIN!
I got fired from my job as a taxidermist for rolling my eyes.
I admire my phone for not working when it gets too hot. I, too, sometimes feel that I’m so hot I shouldn’t have to work
whenever i watch the tv show Friends, i imagine im the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him
Nobody:
Your Mom: You remember my friend Carol? Well her daughter’s coworker is having a baby.
I love people who order coffee like they’re giving the pass code to a missile defense system.
Bugs Bunny turns 75 today. Now when he says “What’s up, Doc?” he’s legitimately concerned.
me: four out of five dentists recommend Colgate so I’ll have that
waiter: uhhh you want fries with that
[me sneaking to the bathroom at night to check twitter]
Wife: what are you doing?
Me [looking around for excuse] just…changing my tampon
[calls up friend]
Remember when you said I wouldn’t ever make it on TV? Well turn on the news!
“Okay, but why are you calling from jail?”
DATE: In my room when I was younger [smiles] I used to sing with a hairbrush
ME [spits out drink] I never even knew hairbrushes could sing
Me: If you become a lawyer, I’ll disinherit you
16: From what?
Me: …well played
If a gang attacks U say you’re on their side & U brought them “gang supplies”. They’ll let you go to the car to get the supplies. Drive away
Kind of rude when I get home from vacation and my plants look better than when I left
fellas, if your girl:
•has got it going on
•she’s all you want
•you’ve waited for so longshe’s not your girl, she’s stacey’s mom
My uncle was famous for being really quick with a shovel. You probably don’t know him though. He was only a miner celebrity.
You look so comfortable in your own skin. Could I try it on?
DENTIST: You were very brave. Do you want something from the toy bucket?
ME: No thank you.
Any bar can be a dive-bar if you wear a snorkel
What rhymes with “Your eyes glisten in the sunset like majestic stars”?
I refuse to lose another rap battle!
3: I don’t want to go to sleep, I want to take a nap
Me: That’s fine, take a nap
3: Okay. I’ll take a long nap till morning
Me: Great!
3 *Five sec later*: I’m napping now!
Me: What exactly do you think “nap” means?!
he asked “what are we?” i said we the best
I made the cats a very scary jack o’lantern with a vacuum cleaner on it.
A bright side to having kids is that if I’m ever trapped in my car I have 3 years worth of half-empty water bottles and goldfish to live on.