I think I’ll make spicy masala mixture for a curry to serve alongside some naan bread and chai tea, in other words:
spicy spicy mix mix with bread bread and tea tea
You Might Also Like
Found this cool rock on a hike today so I brought it home
*trips over an ice cube dropped on the floor*
Me: This is JUST like the Titanic!!
Once I found there was no popcorn in popcorn chicken there was no reason to try pot roast.
According to Facebook, 78% of girls I went to high school with now own their own photography business.
ME: I’m being haunted by my Grandma.
GRANDMA: For the last time, I’m not dead! You drove me here.
ME: DID YOU HEAR THAT?
PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR: *frightened* I think I can even see her!!!
So apparently you’re supposed to change the lint filter in the dryer more than once a year firemen are hot
*dog runs for president*
*dog sits for president*
*dog rolls over fo
dropping acid is irresponsible like damn bro don’t be so clumsy
ATTENTION EVERYONE MONEY ORDERS ARE A SCAM THEY EXPECT YOU TO HAVE THE MONEY ALREADY YOU CANNOT ORDER IT
Have you ever cropped a picture as you texted it; the crop didn’t stick and now your wife is asking who that woman is?
Her: If I get fat will you break up with me?
Me: No but you’re now just two more inane questions away from being buried in the garden.
i listed my ex as my emergency contact at my new job bc if i have a heart attack i need to tell kathy to burn in hell one last time
Sasquatch: *to tv camera* Tonight we will try a human call and hope for a response. *clears throat* 🎵Sweet Caroline🎵
From a distance: 🎵Bah bah bah🎵
Sasquatch: You heard that! It was a human!
Camera Sasquatch: I don’t know. Could be a bird.
Me: Hey, wanna feel really old?
Friend: Yeah?
Grandma: Stop telling people to poke me you little shit!
My gynecologist follows me on Instagram, I really do not know what else he wants to see.
Me: I wonder what the wicked witch’s name is.
7: Ding Dong.
Me: What?
7: The song says, Ding Dong the Witch is dead.
Me: Oh. My. God. 😂
For Halloween I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.
It’s my mom’s personal mission in life to save me 20% on all my purchases by clipping out and giving me every coupon known to mankind.
Friend: You thinking what I’m thinking?
Me: It’s bullshit there weren’t schools from other continents in the Triwizard Tournament?
F: ….
I would seriously recommend whatever that third pill was I just took.
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point.
She turned around and found out I was walking her home.
This is my main handbag, and this is the handbag I have to fit everything that doesn’t fit in my main handbag
Her: You ate that banana so fast, I don’t even think you took the sticker off the peel.
Me: Peel?
Doctor: A healthy serving of red meat is the size of a deck of cards.
Me: So… no more than 52 slices of roast beef?
Dr: I hate this job.
The trick when dealing with customer service on the phone is to appear busier than you are. Ask the representative to hang on for just a second and turn away from the phone and say: “Mertle, cut Arthur a severance check please.”
‘Let’s just agree to disagree.’
-Me, saying grace at the dinner table.
Sorry I’m late, I was combing granola bar out of my daughter’s hair for 25 minutes
I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning but I also want to be happy
One time I found $100 bill in the IKEA parking lot….. I then went inside and spent $447. Brillianty played, IKEA.