this guy on tiktok rated emergency alarm sounds from different countries and there’s no reason it should be this funny đź’€
You Might Also Like
[commercial for IKEA]
Are you easily frustrated? Want to find out?
[David Attenborough narrating my life]
Once again the young offspring attempts to leave the nest. Once again he has flown into a wall
Things that don’t exist:
1. Unicorn
2. Ghosts
3. Whatever thing that my wife tells me to get from her handbag.
Burgers, she wrote.
– Angela Lansbury before she goes shopping.
A kids program to yell at the kids when they misbehave called Dora The Exploder.
If I were Australian I’d tweet “OMG Mayan zombies eating my brain.” Then sit back & cuddle a kangaroo & look super sexy while U.S. freaked.
Yup!
Did my parents think they could just blindly support my choice to wear Capri pants at age 13 without there being any consequences?
[debate]
ME: i think you’ll find that the point is moat
OPPONENT: i believe you mean the point is moot
ME: [raising my drawbridge] i do not
CAT: Hey, sorry about puking on your pillow
SCHRĂ–DINGER {busy}: Yeah, whatever
CAT: So uh…what’s the box for?
[something bad happens to me and I disappear]
Police: we are offering a $1.42 reward for anyone with information
Person: Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
Me: I understand.
*I spend the rest of my life biting the hands of everyone who hasn’t fed me*
You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids
There is a lot of tension between bed and productivity today.
If you’re 6’5” tall and drop something, I imagine you just keep walking, like “yeah, THAT’s gone now…”
No I’ve never had a tumor removed, but I did uninstall facebook
my friend told me on first dates i should just “be myself” and “be confident” and i was like “ok but which one?”
I try to always be the bigger person by hanging out with a lot of short people
Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.
Why’d they call it an “aquarium” instead of a “Here fish-see fish-see”
When you’re eating fries and get that one- not a cold one, not a sharp one, but one tastes like death, like something went real wrong- and then you just keep going.
When older people say, “Enjoy them while they are young.”
They are talking about your knees and hips not your kids.
much to think about
Pro Tip: If you’re searching for Moana You Tube video clips for your kids, DO NOT forget the ‘a’ on the end.
running out of wrapping paper after four drinks means that mom’s gifts will be wrapped in MAD magazine pages
We had 3 kids, but once TVs came w/ remotes we put them up for adoption
Bananas either ripen in 2 hours or 2 weeks there is no in between
FRODO: what is it?
SAM: if i take one more step, it’ll be the farthest away from home i’ve ever been
FRODO: *smiles* come on Sam
[literally one step later]
SAM: if i take one more step, it’ll be the farthest away from home i’ve ever been
FRODO: wait no
Stop asking yourself if something is a good idea and start asking yourself if you can get away with it.