i think anyone who has ever had beautiful styled hair or tried to hold a big pile of leaves in their hands will know the trouble a gust of wind can cause.
You Might Also Like
*shakes the internet like a magic 8-ball* What am I mad about today?
5 cats in this house and not one will ride the Roomba WHAT A JOKE.
When I was in college our house got robbed. My roommate took the cops to my room and they said wow they trashed this room and she said no that’s just how she lives. I think about that sometimes.
If you guys know anyone, I’m in the market for a mannequin head that’s missing both eyes and has dark hair…please, no weirdos.
6: What is the skin of an M&M made of?
Me: Well that’s the creepiest way to ask that question.
do u know the muffin man
the muffin man
the muffin man
do u know the muffin man
that lives on d-d-d-d-d-d
DROP THE BASS*club goes nuts*
My rabbits are hot and they aren’t happy about it. I’ve got hot cross buns.
I’ll see myself out.
What we all have in common is how extra stupid we look when we stop everything and focus on removing a stray hair from our tongue.
My daughter wrote “Daddy is the best” in the snow then smashed it when I made her come inside. She’ll make some lucky guy miserable one day.
sober: damn im too lazy to make any food tonight
after two beers: it’s time to cook all the spaghetti in my kitchen
Me: *Spitting out teeth*
Her: Omg what happened?
Me: I ate too many of them
Why is it when someone asks if you’ve lost weight you immediately feel like eating a dozen donuts to celebrate.
If you don’t call your spouse “wonderful” when you’re on a game show, you’re legally required to get a divorce at the end of the show.
Don’t people with bumper stickers realize it takes a t-shirt to change a person’s deeply held beliefs?
This woodpecker needs to switch to decaf.
Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive…you’re literally going that way anyway…just give me a ride.
Who’s this, “Chris Moss,” everyone keeps telling me to marry today? Chris better be short for Christine, or something.
I pull my pants and underwear down to my ankles when I pee at a urinal and when I drink at a water fountain
Before I got a phone I used to just stare at my right hand all day
me: *on my 100th crunch at the gym*
employee: ur getting cheeto dust on the weights
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish in highly-contaminated water, feed him for a day.
Stop saying I’m not a nice person, I have a pillow in my trunk.
When I was 12 I found a document on our family computer with my name on it where my mom wrote that I was “witty, which can be irritating” like damn lady name that document taxes2001 or something.
Hotel California is basically a negative Yelp review with a two minute guitar solo.
dentists and waitstaff go to the same class called ‘When to Ask Questions’
My ex wife’s husband is a pretty cool guy. I’m looking forward to the day she ruins his life so we can talk about what a bitch she is.
See..?
.
normalize wrapping all foods in cloth to allow for noiseless midnight snacking
Don’t tell your friend you like her sweater unless you mean it; she might knit you one.
Oh my god