This is a fact based meme 😏😂
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Funny how our parents used to tell us not to talk to strangers online but now that’s the only way to make friends at school
Hubs: Ok boys, pick a number 1-4
3 year old: Lion Gaurd!
5 year old: 5!
So yes, homeschooling is going quite well.
had to share :’)
The Great Wall of China is one of the 7 wonders of the world just because it’s a Chinese product that’s lasted more than a month.
It isn’t alcoholism if you’re a method actor training for a role as an alcoholic in a movie that doesn’t exist.
people say Einstein dropped out of school and still was a genius but he didn’t drop out to drink fireball and start a band this is important
I didn’t know imposter syndrome was contagious, but my boss also thinks I’m terrible at my job.
Fun prank: a chameleon exhibit with no chameleon.
“Ok, identify the noun in this sentence. Timmy is stupid.”
Timmy: stupid?
“Exactly”
last christmas
i saved me some plums
the very next day
you ate them anywaynext year
to save me from tears
i’ll eat all my plums for dinner
Damn boy! What’s your zodiac sign? Bc I think we should make that Sagittariuu into SagittariUS
Oh you’re a Leo? Le OH ..where are you going?
Apparently, if you put a possum in the mailbox, you’ll get a new mailman…
I should be able to publicly wear a CLOAK without being questioned. Am I a medieval archer? Will I recite poetry by a babbling brook? Can I restore my own HP and the HP of all nearby party members? Only God can judge me, dipshits
I make sure my cat knows who is boss by grumbling loudly while cleaning out its kitty litter.
“Please make people stop believing things without any evidence,” I whisper to the invisible magic man in the sky
Tired of true crime podcasts? Then check out my fake crime podcast. In the next episode I go into detail about how back in 1997, my grandma was mugged by a rhinoceros.
When my wife came home I hid under a blanket and my quick thinking 5yo said to her “That’s not daddy under the blanket. That’s just a big lump.”
me (under my breath): don’t let her know how awkward you are
date: what are you having
me: an ok time
7-ELEVEN CUSTOMER: Ew! This slurpee machine is full of weird dirt!
MANAGER: Weird dirt? But that means…
*cut to Dracula flailing around in a coffin filled with blue berry blast*
When fans used to race in to get the winners golf ball
Everyone hates drama; yet somehow the tabloids remain in business
If you look up the word “not a virgin” in the dictionary, it’s a picture of me wearing a sick leather jacket.
me: if the prince truly loved cinderella he would remember her face. he just had a foot fetish and great resources.
guy: where is our regular priest
they’re trying to stop me from entering the movie theater with my spoon and a half a watermelon.
I don’t consider myself a controlling person.
Side note: Anyone else have a list of people your spouse can’t marry if you die?
That guy who just spent 2 hours washing and waxing his sportscar looks like a douche. C’mon boys, you know what to do.
– Birds, probably
Why isn’t Cindy spelled Sindie? Whoever caid C makes an S cound was ctupid.
It breaks my heart to think that of the 100 million hardworking pads of paper in this country, only about 20% are legal.
I always text a girl 5 minutes after our first date ended and say ~ “I haven’t given up on us.”
99 bottles of beer on the wall?
Challenge accepted