Inside of you are 2 wolves.
One eats a grammy and the other gets domesticated.
You Might Also Like
I feel it
Stranger danger is a very real thing.
They nearly always react badly to proposals.
Never do anything you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics
Ok why even have a pool if you can’t do ANYTHING in it
[spelling bee]
“your word is… death”
can you use it in a sentence?
“in most states, yes”
I’m not poor. I’m big-loaned.
The Untrained Meteorologist is a classic
🤣🤣🤣🤣
My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.
Please pray for my teen who forgot to jump and touch the doorframe before entering a room today
Her: For once I’d like a man to just sweep me off my feet.
Me: *slowly ties Karate Kid headband around forehead*
My kid just asked my mom if she’d known anyone from the bible personally so I think it’s safe to say she can kiss that trust fund goodbye
Finally got the “Josh Duggar is good” neck tattoo I’ve wanted for years, now let me just read today’s news as I take a large sip of water…
People like to say “nice beard” to me but then start backing away while I go through my washing/conditioning/oiling/brushing regimen with increasing volume and fervor
So we were deep in conversation about the state of political affairs, when the dog mentioned I might have taken too much cough syrup. Touché
are those your eyebrows, or did you headbutt a box of Sharpies
When my girl was five I was reading to her from a little book about George Washington.
Me: As a boy he liked to ride horses and fish.
Her: He liked to ride fish?!
It’s been nine years but in my mind he’s still riding that big beautiful fish.
My kid can’t remember if it’s “heck” or “hell” that he’s not supposed to say in school, so he’s been switching between them both and I’ll just go ahead and pencil in a meeting with his teacher now
My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.
-Me, flirting.
Emperor: How are my elite troops doing on Endor?
Vader: They were all viciously murdered by teddy bears.
Emperor: That sounds plausible.
Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows (2011) A bunch of adults trash a high school bc a noseless man thinks a child is better than him at magic
I love the Yakuza games. I wish Japan was real.
Alligators sewing little pictures of rich white people on their shirts.
Yesterday I went to the grocery store and I managed to come home without any junk food.
Now I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.
Good thing “you only live once” has really caught on otherwise we might all kill ourselves like it’s no big deal
Her: is the game almost over?
Me: this is just the first half
Her: uggghh how many more halves are there?
Me: you’re pretty
[last day of creative writing class]
“are u ready to name ur band?”
Dave Matthews: u bet i am
I’ve never Met Gala but I heard she’s weird.