I used to get bullied online.
Until one day I walked up to the biggest computer in Best Buy and beat the shit out of it.
You Might Also Like
Kids won’t remember they have homework but they’ll remember you promised them Robux if they did their chores for the whole month
imagine giving a baby gold then watching a guy whose present is a drum solo and realizing how badly you overshot it
What did one tectonic plate say to another when he bumped into the other?
Sorry! My Fault!
Greatest days of my life:
3) Day I got married
2) Day my first kid was born
1) Day Facebook let you turn off notifications for their games
Most people don’t put music on for pets when they go out, but here’s me going back in the house to change it cuz the dog only likes Top 40.
Big things DO NOT always come in small packages!
I wish someone had told me the truth before I pounced on this adorable midget. Poor fella.
I think one reason babies cry on planes is because flying sucks & babies aren’t liars like you & me.
by age 30 you really should just be in a completely unsustainable number of different group chats that all comprise of different combinations of the same people
I’ve eaten so many cheeseburgers, my hula hoop is just a fancy waist bracelet.
*grandma sobbing at my graduation*
“Your parents would have been so proud seeing you up there.”
*wipes tear*
“But they didn’t want to come.”
INTERVIEWER: What do you see as your biggest weakness?
ME:
INTERVIEWER:
ME:
MY MOTHER: He’s not good at speaking up for himself
I broke my finger yesterday. On the other hand, I’m okay.
*holding cardboard sign by intersection*
NOT POOR JUST ON MY WAY TO BREAK DANCING SCHOOL
If Spiderman gets a lady pregnant, does she have 1 baby, or like 10,000?
You see a rat stealing pizza, I see a rat providing for his four turtle children
Anaesthetist: Count back from 10
Me: WHY IS THERE MATHS? NO ONE SAID THERE’D BE MATHS
A mechanical frog is called a ribot.
Sorry I haven’t said anything in a while
Sorting out the photos on my phone now would be too easy. No, I’m going to wait another 5 years for when I’ve got several billion more
When people complain that all Cristiano Ronaldo does is score goals, I don’t understand.
What do you want him to do?
Fry yam?
I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.
You people that are getting laid regularly either need to keep that stuff to yourselves or be more descriptive.
( 12pm. )
Friends: Want to go grab some lunch?
Me: Nah, I’m on a diet.
( 12am )
Me:
this makes me so uncomfortable
Is Bowser a kind of turtle that has spikes, or is he in some kind of turtle youth movement that wear spikes and wristbands and harbor bad turtle attitudes
My boomer father in law couldn’t get his TV to work, the tv was plugged into a surge protector…that was plugged into itself.
I located my husband. He binge watched season 3 of Cobra Kai in one evening then left home to start his own dojo. Please respect my privacy at this time.
Here’s a step by step guide to staircases
*gives you a handrail*
If you glue a dead wasp to your palm, you can smack your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him.
I’m not exaggerating when I say if I ever clogged a toilet at work I would immediately quit, change my name, and move to a different city