Female fishermen should be called Broadcasters.
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Remember, YOUR God is real. All those other Gods are ridiculous, made-up nonsense. But not yours. Your God is real. Whichever one that is.
learn from a vacuum cleaner, don’t work beyond the limit of your cord…
just got vinegar in my eye so I totally get it, girls who get vinegar in their eye
Everything about parenting is as unexpected and surprising as finding a dirty fork in the shower.
But, please, why is there a fork in the shower?
I don’t go back to my hometown very often because I’ve burned too many bridges. And also because I am wanted for bridge arson.
No pants were worn during the making of this tweet.
If you missed any of the most recent presidential debate, you can catch one side of it on any given Facebook friend’s page.
I can claim not to have a best-loved child but one of my kids just said his first favorite thing is cleaning and his second favorite is reading so you know I am lying if I deny it
AMERICA:
Where someone will eventually figure out how to fry Vodka
No thanks, body wraps. If I believed magic would make me thinner, I’d eat a wizard.
I’ve been cutting my own hair for eight years. I didn’t expect it to take this long. I’ve missed out on so much.
It’s not the amount of followers young GRASSHOPPER.
It’s the quality of followers.
what happens in quarantine stays in quarantine
“Read that again”
No thanks, it sucked the first time.
Pink has done surprisingly well as a solo artist ever since her and Floyd split up.
a good captain goes down with the ship, i personally don’t need a professional obligation to sink to the bottom of the ocean, i just do it
Thursday Thought.
Almost went outside without my phone and now I know what it’s like to lose your child at the mall
The outskirts implies the existence of the inpants.
You call it gossiping, I call it a love of knowledge
You’re not an Asshole. That’s too much credit for you. You’re an Asshalf.
i’m the girl your mom warned you about… long nails, big eyes, purple tongue, green skin. i’m reptar. i’m reptar from rugrats.
my gf left me cuz i’m insecure
never mind she’s back she went pee
The government shut down. Monkey knife fights in my backyard in one hour BYOB
Sleeping Beauty taught me that:
1. I’m not the laziest girl in the land
2. If you sleep long enough, strange men break in & do stuff to you.
Me, writing: I must get the description of this wrought-iron fence that I remember from my childhood exactly right, down to the bumps and bubbles in the many coats of paint., no matter how long it takes.
Me, editing: *deletes three pages of description; inserts “a fence”*
[Looking out the window]
Me: I don’t understand this show.
only writing recipes in wordart from now on
I have a friend who’s band is playing this weekend. He said the doors open at 7 but I’m pretty sure Jim Morrison is dead.