This video (reduced to a 17 second gif) created by British psychological professor Richard Wiseman demonstrates the power of perspective in creating illusions. It’s titled, “Assumptions”
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In lieu of exercise, accidentally send your text to the wrong person to get your heart rate up
When my sugar daddy told me no, I asked my sugar mommy, and my sugar daddy found out and now I’m sugar grounded.
my dream is to be involved in a heist and say “uh oh, we’ve got company” when the police arrive
You should be allowed to take your own food to KFC and have them kentucky fry it for you.
Cats are still liquid.
#DesignFail
My superpower is finding the humor in nearly every situation. Uncle Bob’s superpower was flying. Landing… not so much. Lol
Priest: That’s your eulogy?
WHAT DO WE WANT?!
Follow-up questions!WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
OH HELL YEAH THAT’S THE STUFF
if by “picking up hotties at the club” you mean going to costco for rotisserie chicken then yeah i am
man i love columbo
Sometimes I drink too much coffee and chase the Amazon guy around the neighborhood
Welcome to your forties, when you start saying things like “This store isn’t open yet? It’s almost 7am!”
When life gives you lemons. Squeeze them in people’s eyes.
I’m sorry my dog nipped your ankles, but in all fairness you do have squirrels on your socks.
It’s always fun to put a rainbow bumper sticker on your homophobic friend’s car.
My parents told me I could be anything I wanted so I became unacceptable
Why is fried chicken the only food we can buy by the bucket?
I will take your secret to the grave. Unless I’m drunk and revealing it will make me popular.
Every time you reply to a text from your ex, Taylor Swift completes another album.
Don’t be an enabler. Drop the phone.
doctor looking at his iPad: oh no, this isn’t good …
Me: give it to me straight doc what is it
doctor: well, I forgot my wifi password
me: [teary eyed] if anything ever happened to you i would kill myself
her: ur kinda weird for a surgeon
My one weakness is definitely chocolate. And cake, also cake. Oh, coffee. Wait bread too. There’s also cheese.
My one weakness is indecision.
batman: i caught the penguin
judge: bail is set for $0
batman: isn’t he a flight risk?
judge:
batman: oh right
Me: I’d like the chocolate soufflé
Waiter: It takes 45 minutes to prepare
M (right in her face): Then why are you still talking to me?
My ex just sneezed and I accidentally said “bless you”.
Now she is staring at the bushes confused and wondering who said that.
demon: [looking around inside me] dude no offence but it’s like kind of a nightmare in here
me: haha yeah
demon: how are all your thoughts in comic sans
It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.
Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it’s a small soft drink.
I like to reassure my girlfriend that even though I don’t have big muscles she is always safe with me cause I’m a really loud screamer.
*posts “Glitter is my favorite color”*
*sits back to smirk while 347 strangers tell me glitter isn’t a color*