STAGES OF WORKING FROM HOME
– Yay I get to work from home
– It would be nice to talk to people
– I hope that pigeon sits in the window today
You Might Also Like
Just heard that May is mental health month. Where do I go to pick up my supply?
Of course you can be anything you wanna be. That’s how delusions work.
Dad, why do we celebrate 4th of July?
Well son, it celebrates our defeating the aliens that blew up the White House after Will Smith attac
Me: *Getting dressed*
Husband: *throws pants on floor beside hamper* “Where are you going?”
Me: “Jail.”
The Office: Coronavirus
Michael ignores the “work from home” memo because he thinks that everyone should be together at a time like this
Dwight acts completely normal & claims genetic immunity
Angela wears a hazmat suit
Kevin says that he’s had it for weeks & feels fine
For most, bikini season lasts a few short summer months, but I catch enough & store them so efficiently I can eat bikini all year round.
I used to be so confused how people could forget where they parked but now I’m like what store did I just leave?
Hi everyone, welcome to ventriloquist club! The first rule here is do not talk about ventriloquist club…with your lips moving.
Haha, just a little joke to get us started.
Obviously the first rule is don’t fall in love with your puppet.
hear me out, a safari park full of giraffes called giraffe’ic park
You didn’t want to camp out with me to buy the new ABBA album. If you change your mind, I’m the first in line.
The package says “Serves 4” but my dadbod says “challenge accepted”
When I hear “This call is being monitored for quality assurance” I think “Cool, let’s see how bad this person wants their job.”
My girlfriend was devastated to find out that my mates call me ‘The Love Machine’ because I’m terrible at tennis.
I call my ex “Appendix” because he didn’t seem to have a specific purpose and removing it didn’t change a thing in my life.
Good morning, especially if they tried to make go to rehab and you said no, no, no.
[date]
HER: So do you like Star Wars?
ME: Oh yeah
HER: Who’s your favorite character?
ME: *nervously looking at smudged notes* Yoga
djs are so lazy man. been listening to mixes all morning and they’re all using the same carbon monoxide alarm sample faintly in the background
LAZINESS LEVEL: PRO!
#NationalLazyDay
Every time a man pisses me off, I pretend we are in a video game & this is simply a tiny side quest in which I am to be taught how to remain a woman who doesn’t do crimes. And 35 years in, it has mostly worked.
Sometimes I cross things off my to-do list that I haven’t done.
To remind myself that I control the list.
You know it was a good party when the neighbor sends you a text to say they managed to get your bra off their roof
Cleaning takes hours of backbreaking labor. But you can apologize for the mess without ever leaving the comfort of your favorite chair.
Big Sex has us all fooled
The best thing about my 4 year old right now is that he’s currently saying things he must have heard somewhere but has no real concept of what they actually mean. Today everything is “151 percent awesome”
In my defense Facebook didn’t alert me it’s my wife’s birthday.
don’t we all
I just found out that my husband fills the dog’s water dish not from the tap, but from the fridge’s water purifier feature.
“She’d do the same for me”, he said.
“What should we put in the middle of this mall?”
How bout some chairs?
“That idea sucks”
A little pond to throw money in?
“Oh hell yeah”
“Oh hi, you’re home early”
I think we can all agree if the ancient Egyptians had twitter there would be no pyramids.