How deep is your love?
Please show all work.
You Might Also Like
I’m not poor. I’m big-loaned.
I love that sexy thing you do, what’s it called again? Oh yeah, me.
I have a friend who’s band is playing this weekend. He said the doors open at 7 but I’m pretty sure Jim Morrison is dead.
Gosh, some tweeters are super nice.
One guy offered to trim my tree and another one wants to stuff my stockings!
Being an adult is cool because sometimes your back hurts and other times a different part of your back hurts
Gravity is just the earth being really clingy
Florida be like…
[text]
“Hey”
Hi.
“I’m just laying in bed thinking about you.”
This is your mom.
“New phone who dis?”
Eric, that doesn’t work. You texted me.
My wife is such a bad cook,if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
Dracula is never rebooted, merely revamped
I love lying on surveys. Your company is about to shit the bed so hard on its next marketing campaign
I have a dog to make sure that the noises in the middle of the night are nothing serious and I have a cat to make those noises.
I’ve decided to go out on the street tonight.
Can’t wait to be chased by the police.
At least a man will finally be chasing me.
Starting to think that having kids just to get some help around the house was a bad idea.
Me, after a minor inconvenience:
interviewer: would u say ur driven
[cut to my mom waiting in the parking lot to drive me home]
me: oh yes
Damn girl, are you a plate of microwaved leftovers? Because you’re hot on the outside and cold on the inside.
G: Grandma (completely safe watch with grandma)
PG: Partial Grandma (slightly awkward)
PG13: 13 or more cusses (very awkward)
R: NO grandmas
God: Noah, I’d like to talk to you about the animals you have on the Ark
Noah: what’s wrong?
God: are you sure they aren’t all just dogs wearing different animal costumes
Noah: *with a dog sized elephant humping his leg* hahaha that’s crazy
[watching #diving]
ME: Huge splash! Nice!
ANNOUNCER: That splash will cost her a medal.
ME [changing channel]: The Olympics are garbage.
So many people say “if my memory serves me correctly” and I’m actually quite shocked at the amount of servants named Memory…….
Say goodbye to unsightly carpet stains by strategically repositioning your furniture.
A nasal spray that’s filled with glitter, so when you sneeze it’s like a confetti popper.
I’ve never simultaneously loved something so much and wanted it to shut up as badly as I do with my kids.
This recipe’s great because you probably have all the ingredients on hand! OK let’s start: grind your caribou horn down til you have half a teaspoon of powder…
…and for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.
My husband just said I look like I fell in a bucket of pretty. I’m gonna divorce him so I can marry him again.
[after Simba is presented to the animal kingdom]
Mufasa: thx for coming, now join us for the celebratory feast
the antelopes: wait, the what now?