A thread of some SAVAGE/DEEPEST REPLIES in “Black Panther”
1.
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If you don’t get my sarcasm, you obviously lack a sense of humor
If I don’t get your sarcasm, you just suck at it
One Mississippi… two Mississippi… just kidding! One Mississippi is quite enough.
Whoa. Wait a minute.
So those stick figures on your car aren’t for pedestrians you ran over?
Damn it!
*starts scraping off her stickers*
I love when people tell me to get my act together and I’m like who the hell is acting geez.
Let he who is without sin throw the first stone. After that we’ll go by who has the birthday closest to today, then by height.
Rage against the machine? I bet it was a printer.
Based on my family’s hatred for vegetables and always throwing them in the garbage, I hope I’m never in a coma.
the most challenging thing I’ve done all week is explain to a 4 year old where he was in photos taken 7 years ago
If you’re boarding first, dress casually. It’s no good unless everyone at the gate is surprised.
The average person swallows 8 spiders a year, but the top 1% consume 40% of our nation’s spiders. Save some for the rest of us, spider hogs
I’m a lot like a wild Pokémon in the bedroom. I only know four moves and I come out of nowhere.
I returned my 3D printer, but not before making a 3D printer with it.
When I’m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they’re safe
Donkey Kong sommelier
i wanna be one of those basic girls that’s really good at making shark coochie boards or whatever. you know, these.
My teen: How do you not know how to play video games?
Also my teen: So all you have to do is press left, right, up, circle, triangle, square all while holding onto the upper left button.
Do NOT play Yahtzee with squirrels.
Me: Got any 7s?
Wife: Go fish
Me: *returns from Bering Strait a changed man* I watched the sea take my best friend to his grave. Got any 3s?
ME (age 32): I never had many friends growing up idk why
ME (age 12): I hope my baby legs fall out soon so my adult legs can grow in
Mom: how’s therapy
Me: ok. my anxiety is better
Mom: great
Me: yeah
Mom:
Me:
Mom: so did u get the article I sent u about the flesh eating b
The woman in line behind apparently wants to slowly put her body inside of mine.
[hearing news of an apocalyptic asteroid] best put the car in the garage
People who prefer ketchup over mustard are annoying because as soon as you say you like mustard, they go on and on about how much they hate it. Like, okay. You have the same flavor palette you had when you were 5 but that doesn’t mean you should insult what I put in my coffee.
I was at Asda today and a child was misbehaving so his mother pointed at me saying “if you don’t stop he’s gonna take you away” like wtf no im not
Absence didn’t work what else ya got?
Jim: What shall we name our new playground invention?
Roy: Idk. The playground business sure is a Jungle, Jim.
Jim: …Say that again.
Have we established if Joe has a legitimate medical condition with this “cotton eye”?Are we dancing our asses off to diseases,like assholes?
PORCUPINE LAWYER: I object, your Honor! He’s badgering the witness!
BADGER LAWYER: Your Honor, he’s being a prick!
SKUNK JUDGE: [slamming gavel] Odor! Odor in the court!
Netflix plants your dna at various crime scenes while you are asleep.
Me: I’m bored
Dad: hi bored I’m dad
Me: I’m hungry
Dad: hi hungry I’m dad
Me: I’m here’s 20 dollars
Dad: hi here’s 20 dollars
Me: thanks dad