if you want to follow me on mastodon it’s really easy, my gimble is chingus. Just type in bibbo into your gumblebox and then when the window pops up select your garpos and dangles and you’re halfway there. It only takes a second.
You Might Also Like
Whoa new Barbie movie cast is stacked
I used to get bullied online.
Until one day I walked up to the biggest computer in Best Buy and beat the shit out of it.
My wife is not happy with some of the comments in the anonymous suggestion box I attached our bed.
Born to Do Math
#GeekySongsAndShows
Ok this TV character is expecting an important phone call from the kidnapper and they haven’t gotten once single spam call the whole time.
Must be nice.
[ordering Indian food]
them: thank you for calling Chutneys, what would-
me: I’m white
them: say no more, where would you like your butter chicken and garlic naan delivered?
I used humor as a defense mechanism.
Also bear traps.
You can’t be too careful.
Long story short, hitler beat me up and has my time machine.
What if your girlfriend had a British accent but not the good one, the Jack the Ripper one
[Going to Starbucks for the first time]
*Ok be calm and ask for a Tall Latte as practised*
[a little later]
‘Hi can I have Lall Tatte?’
Dinner with Mom: Are these real people you’re talking about or are they from the internet?
me: do you want more breakfast
6: no im full i have a small tummy
me: ok that’s fine you can-
6: not like you, have a big tummy, huge, it’s so big, not like my small one yours is so giant-
me: I SAID you can go now thanks
AH WONDERFUL I SEE THE JOB APPLICATION HAS CHOSEN TO IGNORE MY BEAUTIFULLY CRAFTED RESUME IN LIEU OF MAKING ME ENTER MY INFORMATION LINE BY LINE ONTO SOME SORT OF WEBSITE FROM THE 1800S
Birds do it & no one bats an eye. One time I shit on a windshield & suddenly it’s arrests & psych evaluations.
The Proclaimers claim they would walk 500 miles, only offering 500 more after the fact simply to exceed predetermined expectations.
Vanessa Carlton, on the other hand, offers the full 1000 miles up front in one lump sum, even AFTER making her way downtown.
In this essay, I will
my son needs help with his math project so i did what any good parent would do. i slipped out the back door and started a new life in costa rica
if I were in a comic book I would never wear clothes, I would just constantly scream a huge speech bubble over my body
[in the woods]
Me: *rescues a deer from a bear trap*
Deer: I have a boyfriend
Sometimes I overhear a conversation and want to tell one of them to run
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
[Alien family passing Earth]
*door lock noise*
wife: you’re listening to too much theatrical heavy metal
Me: behold! The weaver of lies! A dark seamstress of shadows lurks amongst us
I am the physical and mortal manifestation of this sacred image
“What’s up?” asked the guy with literally no sense of direction.
Pass gas, not judgment.
*sees monster truck
*waves torch at it and chases it with a pitchfork
NASA: The moon is wobbling.
Me [on my 3rd Bloody Mary]: same
A collection of me turning into random objects.
Welcome to your fifties, you take the elevator instead of the stairs now and you still pull a muscle.
Putting some of my hairs on the cat, just to even things out.