AVATAR
AVA2R
3VATAR
AV4TAR
AVATAR (the V means 5)
You Might Also Like
My son gave me the ultimate Mother’s Day gift: he just brought out all of the cups & dishes from his room & filled the kitchen sink.
I’m so blessed.
Me: I’ve had this for 3 weeks & I’m still single!
HomeDepot Clerk: ma’am, a stud finder is for the beams in your wall
Me: that was unclear
[Vaccination center]
Me: *slaps $20 bill down* I would like one immunity please
Me: I think you might have schizophrenia
Me: No I don’t
restuarants need to start hanging up pictures of their bathrooms outside so i know what im getting before i walk in the damn place
Wolverine was named that because he was a combination of a wolf and a nectarine I will not be taking questions at this time.
Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle & explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.
Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t wear a blanket to work
[Car at red lights]
ME *starts fiddling with the radio*HOT WOMAN: *pulls up alongside me*
ME: *slowly lowers the fiddle*
Who made up sending kids to their room when they get in trouble? It’s like an amusement park in there. Timeouts should be spent in the parents’ room—no one’s had fun in there in ages.
Wife: morning
Me: good morning
Wife: my parents are coming over for dinner tonight
Me [pouring bleach in my coffee]: uh huh that’s great
I just got belted in my face by a rogue piece of carrot that fell out of my sports bra while doing downward facing dog.
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a b&e.
Damn girl clean ur room before u paint a selfie
Me, at front door: I’m going running
Mom, in bathroom: Who’s that?
Me: It’s me!
Mom (mother of 3): THAT DOESN’T HELP
So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs.
Pretty disappointed in them ever since though
(Watching Planet Earth)
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH: A narrow escape. The rabbit lives to fight another day
ME: hooray I wanted this
DA: The fox will have nothing to feed its hungry babies
ME: Oh no why did I want this
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are my birthstone.
Coworker: Do you ever think about work at home?
Me: I don’t even think about work at work.
My husband wants me to do a dry January which I have no problem with. I’m on my second bottle of chardonnay right now
A homeless man randomly asked me if I was from Minnesota yesterday, so I replied, “no, but once I stabbed a guy who grew up in Minneapolis”
I always carry a knife w me in case i run into someone w 10,000 spoons.
ME AS A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR:
I signed you both up for Tinder*1 week later
ME: You still want a divorce?
THEM: OMG NO THAT WAS HORRIFYING
I love getting socks for Christmas idk what you people are complaining about
I only compete with myself because I’m hella stupid and easy to outsmart.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck , but through hard work and perseverance i now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
What a wicked game you play
To make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do
Detective Pikachu
Marriage is your wife:
– Saying you are “the smartest person she knows”
– But not trusting you to buy the right items at the store to make a salad
I was just thinking “oh shoot I forgot something” and it came out as “oh fruit”