My tween is mad at me and it could be because of any number of horrible things I did this morning: stood in the kitchen, poured coffee, stared out the window, said good morning, breathed…
a•c•q•u•a•i•n•t•a•n•c•e•s (tv show, sitcom): six peopel avoid grabbing a cup of coffee together for 10 years
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Should I shampoo my carpet before using my air conditioner?
I have standards. They might be low, but still…..
Guy: I like a girl who’s good with money
Me: the city will bury you for FREE if they can’t identify your body
I told the kids if they’re not good we’re flying United this summer.
“911 what’s your emergency”
I GOT STABBED LIKE 3 TIMES
“lol pics or didn’t happen”
Let’s normalize throwing bouquets at funerals to see whose next.
Me: I’m here for the free scoop of ice cream for my birthday.
Employee: Nice try. What does that make, 3 birthdays so far this year?
Me: *twirling fake mustache* Whatever do you mean?
Not really a humane solution in my opinion
From the other room:
DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT MISCOMMUNICATION IS?